Boy: Do you have fever?
Boy: Cause you look hot!!!!!
Smart man +
Smart Woman = Romance
Man + Dumb Woman = Pregnancy
Dumb Man + Smart Woman = Affair
Man + Dumb Woman = Marriage
An English professor wrote the words, "Woman
man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed his
punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote: "Woman, without her
man, is nothing."
The women wrote: "Woman: Without her, man is
Q: What do you call a woman who marries an old,
ugly and poor man?
Q: How many 'Real Women' does it take to
change a light bulb?
A: None: A 'Real Woman' would have plenty of
Real Men around to do
Q: Which is easier for a man to
women or the Wine?
A: It depends on the age.
What are the three fastest means of
Internet, telephone, telawoman.
A man was walking on the beach one day
he found a bottle half buried in the sand. He decided to open it.
Inside was a genie. The genie said," I will grant you three wishes and
three wishes only." The man thought about his first wish and decided,
"I think I want 1 million dollars transferred to a Swiss bank
POOF! Next he wished for a Ferrari red in color. POOF! There
car sitting in front of him. He asked for his final wish, " I
wish I was
irresistible to women." POOF! He turned into a box of
QUESTION: What's the best way to get a youthful
ANSWER: Ask a woman her age.
QUESTION: What is the difference between a
"Battery" and a woman?
ANSWER: A battery has a positive side.
OUESTION: What is cosmetics?
Cosmetics is a woman's means for keeping a man from reading
A young man called his mother and announced
excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams.
should I do?"
His mother has an idea.
"Why don't you send her
flowers, and on the card invite her to your
apartment for a home
He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later
the woman came
His mother called the next day to see
how things had gone.
" I was humiliated," he groaned. "She insisted
on washing the
" What's wrong with that?" asked his
" We hadn't started eating yet."
At a family gathering, husband began teasing his
about how she always get her way. "Honey," she said to her
"when I get my way, that's a compromise."
"What is it
when I get my way?" he was quick to ask. She replied,
A young woman with a happy, cheerful voice was
working in her husband's trucking line office. She answered a phone
call from a trucker asking for directions to the terminal. After a
conversation, he said he could hardly wait to meet her. "I
you are small, blond with blue eyes," he said. "No," young
replied, "I'm tall, brunette and have brown eyes." "Close
A few women were discussing diet tips. When it
that getting enough exercise and sleep were just as
important as watching
food intake, one woman responded with surprise
that sleep was a factor.
Another replied: "Of course sleep is a
factor. The only time I'm not
eating is when I'm sleeping!"
Q: Why is a modem
better than a woman?
A: A modem doesn't mind if you talk to other modems. A modem doesn't
complain if you sit and play at the computer all night. A modem will
sit patiently and wait by the phone. A modem comes with an
Shortly after the birth
of their second
child, her husband offered to take her shopping for a
new dress. He
endured more than two hours of listening to her complaints
figure flaw each dress accentuated. As she emerged from the
dressing room, having tried on the last selection, she asked for her
husband's opinion. By this time, he had learned just the right things to
say. "It's perfect!" he exclaimed. "It makes your waist look
smaller, your legs look longer and slenderizes your hips."
a voice from the dressing room piped up. "If there's a
that will do all that- I'll take ten!"
One woman to another at a singles bar:
not as optimistic about relationships as I used to be.
when I meet a man, I ask myself, Is this the guy I want my
to spend every other weekend with?"
A woman is a person who, if she says to a man,
"Never mind, I'll do it myself," and he lets her, and she gets mad,
and he says, "Now what are you mad about?" says, "If you don't
I'm not going to tell you."
Why did God invent shopping carts?
women how to walk on their hind legs.