Why did the girl sit on her
wanted to be on time.
Why did your sister shoot the alarm clock
Because she felt like killing time.
The proud owner of an impressive new clock was
showing it off to a
friend. 'This clock,' he said, 'will go for 14
days without winding.'
'Really?' replied his friend, 'And how
long will it go if you do
wind it ?'
'I hope you're not one of those boys who

sits and watches the school clock,' said the principal to a new
'No, Sir. I've got a digital watch that bleeps at

What are your two favourite times to party?

Daytime and night-time!
For a weddin' present
Ledbetter gave his son
Amos two hundred dollars. Two weeks later he asked him,
do with the money, son?"

"Ah bought me a wristwatch, Pappy!"
answered the boy.

"Yew dumb ignoramous!" yelled his father. "Yew
should 'av bought
yoreself a rifle!"

"A rifle? What fer?"

"Suppos'n one day yew cum home and find some guy sleepin' wid
wife," explained the older redneck.

"W'atcha gonna
do? Wake him up and ask him what time it is?"
Customer: I'd like a watch that tells
Clerk: Don't you have a watch that tells time?
Customer: No, you
have to look at it.
If twenty dogs run after one cat, what time is

Twenty after one.
What time is it when an elephant
sits on your
Time to get a new car.
That boy is so dirty, the only time he washes his

ears is when he eats watermelon.
What time is it when you sit on a pin?
What did the Loch Ness Monster say to
Long time no sea.
How can you tell when witches are carrying
time bomb?
You can hear their brooms tick!
A man had been
driving all night and by
morning was still far from his destination. He
decided to stop at the
next city he came to, and park somewhere quiet so
he could get an hour
or two of sleep. As luck would have it, the quiet
place he chose
happened to be on one of the city's major jogging
routes. No sooner
had he settled back to snooze when there came a knocking
on his
window. He looked out and saw a jogger running in place.


"Excuse me, sir," the jogger said, "do you have the time?" The
looked at the car clock and answered, "8:15". The jogger said
and left. The man settled back again, and was just dozing off
there was another knock on the window and another jogger.

"Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?"


jogger said thanks and left. Now the man could see other joggers

passing by and he knew it was only a matter of time before another o
disturbed him. To avoid the problem, he got out a pen and paper
and put a
sign in his window saying, "I do not know the time!" Once
again he
settled back to sleep. He was just dozing off when there
was another
knock on the window.

"Sir, sir? It's 8:45!."
A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they

told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face


"You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been
asking that question
all day, and each time I get a different