Bob and Tom both like to golf. One day
went to Tom and said, "Hey look at this great ball!" Tom replied,

"What's so great about it?" Bob said, "Well if you lose it, it will

beep until you find it, and if it goes into the water it will float.

This ball is impossible to lose!" "Wow!", said Tom, "Where did you

get that from?" Bob replied, "I found it."
Q: What did the football say to the football
A: I get a kick out of you.
Q: What's the difference between a bad golfer

and a bad skydiver?
A: A bad golfer goes, WHACK! "Damn." A bad
skydiver goes, "Damn."
Did you hear about the underwater snooker
He was a pool shark!
How many
Man U. fans does it take to change
a lightbulb?

One to change the lightbulb, and one to drive down
to Kent to pick
him/her up.
Q: What's the difference
between David
Beckham and an airplane model kit?
A: One's a glueless kit and the
other's a clueless git!
Q: What is the difference between Liverpool
and a tea bag?
A: The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
What stories are told by basketball players
Tall stories !
What is a runner's favourite subject in school
Jog-raphy !
Why do artists never win when they play

football ?
They keep drawing !
Ref:I'm sending you off
Player: What for
Ref: The rest of the match !
Did you hear about the football team who ate

too much pudding ?
They got jellygated !
What should a football team do if the pitch is

flooded ?
Bring on their subs !
What part of a football ground is never the same
The changing rooms !
What is the bank manager's favourite
of football ?
Fiver side !
did the goal post get angry ?
the bar was rattled !
Why are
football grounds odd ?
you can sit in the stands but can't stand in the sits !
Manager: Twenty teams in the league and you lot

finish bottom ?
Captain: Well, it could have been
Manager: How ?
Captain: There could have been more teams in the league
Manager: I thought I told you to lose weight.
happened to your three week diet ?
Player: I finished it in
three days !
Where do football directors go when they are fed

up ?
The bored room !