Are you in
the top half of your class
No, I'm one of the students who make the top half possible !
Teacher : Would you at the
back of the room
stop passing notes.
Pupil : We're not passing notes. We're playing
cards !
Teacher: This note from your father looks like
your handwriting ?
Pupil: Well, yes, he borrowed my pen !
Teacher : Tommy you try my patience !
No, teacher you had better try mine. There's more of it
Where do children learn their ABC's ?
LMN-tary school !
Teacher : What are you doing,
crawling into
school ten minutes late ?
Pupil : Well you told me never to walk
into school ten minutes late
Teacher : In the exam you will be allowed 30

minutes for each question.
Pupil : How long for the answer sir
Father: Well Son, how are your exam results
Son: They're under water
Father: What do you mean ?
Son: Below
"C" level !
Teacher : Why are you the only child in the

classroom today ?
Pupil : Because I was the only one who didn't
have school dinners
yesterday !
Teacher : What is the most common phrase used

in school ?
Pupil : I don't know
Teacher: Correct !
Teacher : The word politics - can you give me
example of how to use it ?
Pupil : My parrot swallowed a watch
and now Polly ticks !
Teacher : What is a comet ?
Pupil : A star
with a tail
Teacher: Can you name one ?
Pupil: Lassie !
Teacher : If you had five apples on your desk
and the boy next to you
took three what would you have ?
Pupil :
A fight !
Teacher : Give
me a sentence with the words
defence, defeat and detail in it.
Pupil : When a horse jumps over
defence, defeat go before detail
Teacher : Billy, please don't whistle while

Billy : Oh, but I'm not studying - just whistling !
Teacher : Make up a sentence using the word

lettuce !
Pupil : Let us out of school early !
Teacher : What's happens to gold
when it
is exposed to the air ?
Pupil : It's stolen !
Teacher : What are
you reading ?
Pupil :
I dunno !
Teacher : But you're reading aloud !
Pupil : But I'm
not listening !
Teacher : Were you copying his sums ?
: No Sir, just seeing if he got mine right !
Teacher : Tommy, put some more water in the

fish tank !
Pupil : Why, Miss, I only put some in yesterday and he
hasn't drunk
that yet !