Q. Why did the jellybean go to


A. Because he wanted to be a smarty
Q: What did one math book say to the
A: Man I got a lot of problems!
TEACHER: "Can anybody give an
example of
JOHNNY: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the
same day, same
Teacher: What is the formula for
water ?

George: H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O
Teacher: Is that the formula I gave you ?

George: Sure, you said H to O !
Caspar: I was the teacher's pet last
Jaspar: Why was that?
Caspar: She couldn't afford a dog.
Science teacher: What happened when

electricity was first discovered?
Fred: Someone got a nasty shock.
Principal: Do you do
your homework?
Now & Then
Principal: Where do you do it?
Kid: Here &
Principal: Put him in the closet!!!
Kid: Hey, When will I get
Principal: Oh, sooner or later
Mother: "Why are you home from school so
Son: "I was the only one who could answer a question."

Mother: "Oh, really? What was the question?

Son: "Who threw the
eraser at the principal?"
Pupil: The
art teacher doesn't like what
I'm making ?
Dad: Why is that, what are you making ?
Mistakes !
Teacher: Fred, I'm glad to see your writing

has improved.
Pupil: Thank you
Teacher: Now I can see how bad
your spelling is though !
Teacher: Name two pronouns ?
Pupil: Who ?,
me ?
Teacher: Why have you got cotton wool in your
ears, do
you have an infection ?
Pupil: Well you keep saying that
things go in one ear and out the other
so I am trying to keep them
it all in!
Teacher: Can you tell me something important
didn't exist 100 years ago ?
Pupil: Me !
Teacher: In music, if "f" means
what does "ff" mean ?
Pupil: Eighty
Teacher: You seem very well read, have you read

Shakespeare ?
Pupil: No
Teacher: What have you read then
Pupil: Umm, I've got red hair !
Teacher: In what part of the
world are the
people most ignorant ?
Pupil: Hong Kong
Teacher: Why do you say
that ?
Pupil: That's where the atlas says the population is most
dense !
Teacher: I wished you would pay a little
Pupil: I'm paying as little as I can !
Teacher: What's the longest word in the
language ?
Pupil: Smiles - because there is a mile between the
first and last
Teacher: Fred can you find me Australia on

the map please ?
Pupil: There it is
Teacher: Now, Louise, who
discovered Australia ?
Pupil: Fred did !
Teacher: I want you to tell me the longest

sentence you can think of
Pupil: Life imprisonment !