A woman was shopping in a
fairly nice
dress store. Trying on a dress and liking it, she asked the
the price. When he told her she launched into a tirade about
these days, covering just about everything from housing to auto


After ten minutes or so, the salesman had obviously had
enuff and said,
"My dear lady. If the cost of living is so high and
obviously so
offensive to you, why do you bother ?"
A policeman came upon a super-salesman about
to jump from a bridge
and yelled, "Wait, Fellow! Please don't do
that !!!"

The salesman said, "Why not ?" and proceeded to expound
on his views
on the shaky economy, declining family life and
Clinton politics.

Shortly thereafter, they both jumped.
An insurance salesman was getting nowhere in
his efforts
to sell a policy to a farmer. "Look at it this way
sir." he said
finally. "How would your wife carry on if you should die

"Well..." drawled the weather-beaten man, "I don't reckon
be any concern of mine -- long as she behaves herself while
The couple
was standing staring at one of
the more expensive models in the auto
showroom. A salesman sensing
their debate over the price moved in and
said, "This model is
priced just over the car which is priced a few
dollars above the car
which costs no more than some models of the lowest
priced cars."
Insurance agent to would-be client: "Don't

let me frighten you into a hasty decision. Sleep on it tonite. If
wake in the morning, give me a call then and let me know.
traveling salesman was held up by a bad
storm in the Hawaiian Islands.
He sent an e-mail to his corporate
headquarters advising them that he
was stranded for a few days and
requested instructions.

The reply came back shortly: "Begin
vacation as of yesterday."
The out-of-work newlywed took a temporary job
as a
vacuum cleaner salesman to make ends meet. After 3 days of
training, the sales manager told him to go home and practice
his pitch on
his wife.

The next morning, the manager asked
the novice how he made out.

Well," the man began, "I did what you
said, and after I finished, I
asked her if she would buy the vacuum
cleaner from me. She said 'Yes.'
Then I asked her 'why ?' She
replied, 'Because I love you'."
A door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman
to bull his way into a woman's home in a rural

"This machine is the best ever" he exclaims, whilst pouring a bag of

dirt over the lounge floor.

The woman says she's really worried
it may not all come off, so the
salesman says, "If this machine
doesn't remove all the dust completely,
I'll lick it off

"Do you want ketchup on it?" she says, "we're not connected for

electricity yet!"
How can you tell when a salesperson is
His lips are moving.
A salesman who was out on his territory had a

heart attack in his motel room and died. The motel manager called
salesman's company and related the tragedy to the sales

The sales manager received the news in a nonchalant manner and
told the
motel manager, "Return his samples by freight and search
his pants for
software manager, a hardware manager,
and a marketing manager are driving
to a meeting when a tire blows.
They get out of the car and look at the

The software
manager says, "I can't do anything about this - it's a

The hardware manager says, "Maybe if we turned the car
off and on
again, it would fix itself."

The marketing
manager says, "Hey, 75% of it is working - let's ship
Two shoe salespeople were
sent to Africa
to open up new markets. Three days after arriving, one
called the office and said, "I'm returning on the next
Can't sell shoes here. Everybody goes barefoot."
At the same time the
other salesperson sent an email to the factory,
telling "The
prospects are unlimited. Nobody wears shoes here!"
A salesman was
demonstrating unbreakable
combs in a department store. He was impressing the
people who
stopped by to look by putting the comb through all sorts of
torture and

Finally to impress even the skeptics in the crowd, he
bent the comb
completely in half, and it snapped with a loud crack.
Without missing a
beat, he bravely held up both halves of the
'unbreakable' comb for
everyone to see and said, "And this, ladies and
gentlemen, is what an
unbreakable comb looks like on the inside."
How do salespeople traditionally greet each
"Hi. Nice to meet you. I'm better than you."
A salesman walking along the beach found a

bottle. When he rubbed it, lo and behold, a genie appeared.
"I will
grant you three wishes," announced the genie. "But since
still hates me, for every wish you make, your rival gets the wish as

well -- only double."

The salesman thought about this for a while.
"For my first wish, I
would like ten million dollars," he
Instantly the genie gave him a Swiss bank account number and
the man that $10,000,000 had been deposited. "But your rival has
received $20,000,000," the genie said.

always wanted a Ferrari," the salesman said.
Instantly a Ferrari
appeared. "But your rival has just received two
Ferraris," the genie said.
"And what is your last wish?"

"Well," said the salesman, "I've
always wanted to donate a kidney
for transplant."