#1
"Is your mother home?" the
salesman asked
a small boy sitting on the steps in front of a house.
"Yeah, she's
home," the boy said, scooting over to let him past. The
salesman
rang the doorbell, got no response, knocked once, then again.
Still
no one came to the door. Turning to the boy, the fellow said, "I

thought you said your mother was home." The kid replied, "She is; but

this isn't where I live.
#2
A realty salesman had just closed his first

deal, only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was
completely
under water.

"That customer's going to come back here
pretty mad," he said to his
boss. "Should I give him his money
back?"

"Money back?" roared the boss. "What kind of salesman are
you? Get
out there and sell him a houseboat."
#3
What salesman has the slickest line?
A
hair grease salesman.
#4
What do you have to know to be a real estate
salesman?
Lots.
#5
What happened when the man asked the salesman

for a good belt?
"O.K., you asked for it," the salesman said as
he gave him a good
belt.
#6
A famous art collector is walking through the
city
when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the
doorway of
a store and he does a double take. He recognizes that
the saucer is
extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually
into the store and
offers to buy the cat for two dollars.
The
storeowner replies "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale.
The
collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to
catch
mice. I'll pay you twenty dollars for that cat."
And the owner
says "Sold," and hands over the cat.
The collector continues, "Hey,
for the twenty bucks I wonder if you
could throw in that old saucer.
The cat's used to it and it'll save me
from having to get a
dish."
And the owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. So
far
this week I've sold sixty-eight cats."
#7
What does a carpet salesman give his wife for
Valentine's
Day?
Rugs and kisses!
#8
Ned: What does
your Dad sell ?
Ed:
Salt.
Ned: Well, my dad is a salt seller, too.
Ed: Shake.
#9
Customer: You
said these pants were pure
wool, but the label says "all cotton."
Salesman: Oh, that's just to
keep the moths away.
#10
Salesman: Would you like to buy a pocket

calculator?
Customer: No, thanks. I know how many pockets I have.
#11
Salesman: This jug is
genuine Indian
pottery.
Customer: But it says "Made in Cleveland."
Salesman:
Haven't you ever heard of the Cleveland Indians?
#12
Salesman: That suit looks nice. It
fits
like a bandage.
Customer: Thanks. I bought it by accident.
#13
Policeman: Why didn't you check your

speedometer?
Driver: It broke when I hit 100.
#14
An inexperienced real estate
salesman
asked his boss if he could refund the deposit to an angry
customer who
had discovered that the lot he had bought was under water.
"What
kind of salesman are you?" the boss scolded. "Get out there
and sell
him a boat."
#15
The top toothbrush salesman at the company

was asked by his boss how he managed to sell so many brushes. He
replied
"It's easy" and he pulled out his card table, setting his
display of
brushes on top. He told his boss, I lay the brushes out like
this, and
then I put out some potato chips and dip to draw in the
customers. He
laid out his chips and dip. His boss said, "That's a
very innovative
approach" and took one of the chips, dipped it, and
stuck it in his
mouth. "Yuck, this tastes terrible!" his boss
yelled. The salesman
replied "IT IS! Want to buy a toothbrush?"
#16
One day Mikey was sitting in his apartment
when his
doorbell unexpectedly rang. He answered the door and found a
salesman
standing on his porch with a strange object.
"What is
that?" Mikey asked. "It's a thermos," the salesman
replied. "What
does it do?" asked Mikey. "This baby," the salesman said,
"keeps hot
things hot and cold things cold."
After some deliberation Mikey
bought one, deciding it would really help
his lunch situation. The next
day he arrived at the plant where he
works. Sure enough, all the
other employees were curious about his new
object. "What is it?" they
asked.
"It's a thermos," Mikey replied.
"What does it do?" they
asked.
"Well," Mikey says in a bragging manner, "It keeps hot things
hot
and cold things cold."
"What do ya got in it?"
To which
Mikey says, "Three cups of coffee and a popsicle."
#17
Salesman: Roll up, roll up! Come to our

mammoth sale. Mammoth bargains to be had in our mammoth sale.

Customer: Forget it! No one round here's got room in their houses for
a
mammoth.
#18
"No, no, no!" said the enraged businessman to
the persistent
salesman. "I cannot see you today!" "That's fine,"
said the salesman,
"I'm selling spectacles."
#19
Patient: Doctor, you
have to help me stop
talking to myself.
Doctor: Why is that?
Patient: I'm a
salesman and I keep selling myself things I don't
want.
#20
Had a door-to-door salesman call one time

selling of all things -- burial plots. I told him that we already had
our
plots in another cemetery.

He seemed uncertain as to
what to say next, but he recovered to say
politely, "I hope you'll be
very happy there."