A reporter cornered George W.
Bush at a
press conference:

"Many say the only reason why you would be
elected for President is
due to the enormous power and influence of
your father."

"That notion is ridiculous!" mocked George Jr. "It
doesn't matter
how powerful the man is. He can only vote once!"
I want to become a politician when I grow up

so I've made a list of skills I want to aquire, but

only come up with one: Lying.
A reporter heard Bush and one of his
underlings talking in the

"Mr President, how do we know
for sure Iraq has weapons of mass

Pres says:
"You think we're stupid boy??? We made copies of all the

Q: How many conservatives does it take to
change a light
A: One; after reflecting in the twilight on
the merit of the previous
Q: How many Communists does it take to screw
in a light
A: Two - one to screw it in, and a second to
hand out leaflets.
A: One, but it takes him about 30 years to
realize that the old one has
burnt out.
Q: How many Liberal Democrats does it take
to change
a lightbulb ?
A: None. "Well it's not really a
question of should we change it or
should we not change the lightbulb,
but more a question of...(blah blah
Q: How many liberals does it take to screw

in a light bulb?
A: One liberal and twenty eight delegates
representing all the social,
economic, and ethnic communities.
Two-one to do it and the other to keep the first one's knee from

A: None: They can't remove the old ones since they are
already part of
the environment.
Q: How many Labour Party
members does it
take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. They haven't got a policy on
Q: How many MP's
does it take to change
a lightbulb ?
A: Twenty-one. One to change it and twenty to form a
committee to learn more about how it's done.
Q: How many believable,
competent, "just
right for the job" presidential candidates does it
take to change a
lightbulb ?
A: It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
How many politicians does it take to
change a lightbulb ? A: Four, one
to change it and the other three
to deny it.
Q: How many politicians does it take to

change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to change it, and another one to
change it back again.
Q: How many Republicans does it take to
screw in a light bulb?
A: Two-one to do it and one to steady the
chandelier. A: None, they
only screw the poor
Q: How many senators does it take
to screw in a light
A: Two to sponsor the bill and thirty-three to constitute a

How many US Presidents does it take
to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, the constitution says that only
Congress can screw in light
bulbs, so only Congress is responsible
for the dark, which is why we need
a Constitutional ammendment.

A: Only one. If he can handle 250000000 people a day I think he can

handle screwing one extra lightbulb.
If the
State of the Union is really "the
best it's ever been"
Why do we "need" dozens of new government
programs to fix it!
Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask

jumped into the path
of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in
his ribs. "Give me your
money", he demanded.
Indignant, the
affluent man replied, "Hey, watch it - I'm a United
States Congressman!"

"In that case," replied the mugger, "give me MY money."
One day a boy and his father were at the
dining room
working on the boy's Social Studies homework,
the chapter
about government. The boy turns to his father and
"Dad, how many people work in the U.S. government?"
The father
replies without hesitating, "Oh, about ten percent."
The politician was sitting at his campaign
when the phone
rang. He listened intently, and
after a moment his face brightened.
he hung up, he immediately
phoned his mother to tell her the good
news. "Ma," he shouted, "the
results are in. I won the election!"


politician's smiled faded. "Aw hell, ma, why bring that up at a

like this?"
men were stopped by a TV newswoman
doing street
interviews about the upcoming presidential primary

"I'm not voting for any of the candidates," the first man
said. "I
don't know any of them."

"I feel the same way," the
second man said. "Only I know
them all."