A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to

steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store. "Listen," said the

shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you
say I
just buy the watch and we forget about this?"

manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the
and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend. Can
show me something less expensive?"
A new man
is brought into Prison Cell 102.

Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old.

The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly.

old-timer says, "Look at me. I'm old and worn out.

You'd never
believe that I used to live the life of Riley.

I wintered on the
Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most
beautiful women, and
I ate in all the best restaurants of France."

The new man
asked, "What happened?"

"One day Riley reported his credit cards
local policeman had just finished his
shift one cold November evening and
was at home with his wife.

"You just won't believe what happened this evening , in all my years

on the force I've never seen anything like it."

"Oh yes
dear, what happened ?"

"I came across two guys down by the canal,
one of them was drinking
battery acid and the other was eating

"Drinking battery acid and eating fireworks!! What did
you do with
them ?"

"Oh that was easy, I charged one and
let the other off."
A policeman pulls a man over
for speeding
and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man
over he
says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are
bloodshot. Have
you been drinking?"

The man gets really indignant and says,
"Officer, I couldn't help but
notice your eyes are glazed. Have you
been eating doughnuts?"
Driving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to
avoid a box that fell
out of a truck in front of him. Seconds later, a
policeman pulled him
over for reckless driving. Fortunately,
another officer had seen the
carton in the road. The policmen stopped
traffic and recovered the box. It
was found to contain large
upholstery tacks.

"I'm sorry sir," the first trooper told the driver,
"but I am still
going to have to write you a ticket."

Amazed, the driver asked for what.

The trooper replied, "Tacks
The Boston taxi driver backed into the
fruit stall and within seconds he had a cop beside him.


"Brendan O'Connor."

"Same as mine. Where are
you from?"

"County Cork."

"Same as me......"

policeman paused with his pen in the air.

"Hold on a moment and
I'll come back and talk about the old county. I
want to say
something to this fella that ran into the back of your