#1
Lady:(standing in the middle of a busy street)

Officer, can you tell me how to get to the Hospital?
Officer:
Just stand where you are!!!
#2
A man leaves a bar,
gets into his car and
drives away. 200 yards further he's stopped by a
police officer.

Officer: "Good evening sir. We're testing drivers for drunken

driving. Would you please blow into this machine?".
Man: "I'm sorry,
I can't do that. I have asthma. If I blow on that
machine I will
get out of air".
Officer: "Please come along to the office and we
can give you a blood
test".
Man: "I can't do that. I have anemia
and if you stick a needle in me
I will bleed to death".

Officer: "Then you'll have to get out and walk 5 yards along this
white
line".
Man: "Can't do that either".
Officer: "Why not?". Man:
"Because I'm dead drunk".
#3
Why do Iraqi police officers walk in threes?

The first knows how to read, the second knows how to write and the

third is to keep an eye on the two intellectuals.
#4
Veronica was
practicing the piano when
suddenly there was a loud pounding on the
front door. She opened it and
found a breathless cop.

"What's the matter?!" she asked.


"Where's the body?!" demanded the officer.

"What are you
talking about?"

"We just got a tip that some guy named Mozart was
being murdered in
this house."
#5
Police Chief:
Why do you spend all your
time trying to hit flies?
Officer: You assigned me to the swat team,
didn't you?
#6
Police Chief: Why did you tie a rope on that

criminal?
Officer: You ordered me to get a line on the suspect.
#7
Police Chief: Why
did you ticket the
computer?
Officer: It was speeding along the information highway.
#8
Police Chief: Why did you arrest
that
doctor?
Officer: He was trying to take someone's pulse.
#9
Police Chief: Why are you
putting handcuffs
on that building?
Officer: I'm making a house arrest
#10
Motorist: Why are you crying after giving me
that ticket?
Policeman: It was a moving violation.
#11
Cop: Why didn't you stop when I shouted at you

back there?
Motorist: I thought you were saying "Good morning,
Mr. Mayor."
Cop: Right. I wanted to warn you about going too fast
through the next
town.
#12
Woman: Officer you must help. I've just

lost my wig.
Police officer: Certainly, ma'am, we'll comb the
area.
#13
How can you tell if you are looking at a police
glow-worm?
He has a flashing light.
#14
"I'll have to report you, sir," said the
traffic cop
to the speeding driver. "You were doing 85 miles an hour."
"Nonsense,
officer," declared the driver. "I've only been in the
car for ten
minutes."
#15
What nickname did the police give to the new
blonde woman
police officer?
A fair cop.
#16
What nickname did the police give to the new

blonde woman police officer?
A fair cop.
#17
What did the police
officer say to his
stomach?
I've got you under a vest.
#18
Police officer: And what do you think you

are doing on this road, Dracula?
Dracula: Looking for the main
artery, officer.
#19
The police are looking for a
thief with one
eye
Why don't they use two?
#20
Policeman: Now, sir, how did you come to have
this accident?
Motorist: Well, the sign just there says, `Stop ? Look
? Listen'. And
while I was doing that the train hit me.