Down at the
office Bostwick boasted to one
of his buddies,

"My son Arthur is smarter even than Abraham

Arthur could recite the Gettysburg Address when he was ten
years old.
Lincoln didn't say it till he was fifty!"
At dinner, Seth said to his father,

"Dad, I got into trouble at school today and it's all your

"How's that?" asked the master of the house.

"Remember I asked
you how much $500,000 was?"

"Yeah, I remember."

'a helluva lot' ain't the right answer."
"What are you reading?" demanded
the father
of his seven-year-old.

"A story about a cow jumping over the
moon," was the reply.

"Throw that book away at once," he

"How many times have I told you you're too young to read
An irate father stormed into the principal's

office. "I demand to know," he screamed, "why my son Winslow was

given a zero on his English examination."

"Now, don't get
excited," said the principal. "We'll get your
Winslow's English
teacher in here. I'm sure she has some explanation."

A few minutes
later, the English teacher arrived.

"Why did you give Winslow a
zero on his English final?" demanded the

"I had no
choice," said the schoolmarm. "He handed in a blank paper
absolutely nothing on it."

"That's no excuse," shouted the father.
"You could have at least
given him an 'A' for neatness!"
Talbot and his son James were
called to
Mrs. Cren-shaw's classroom.

"Mr. Talbot," said the teacher, "I
asked James 'Who shot Abraham
Lincoln?' and he said that he didn't
do it!"

"Well, teacher," said Talbot, "if my kid said he
didn't do it he
didn't do it!"

Father and son left the school,
and on their way home Talbot turned to
the boy and asked, "Tell me,
son, did you do it?" '
What is an autobiography?
Er, the story of an automobile.
"Dad, why do you write so slow?" asked

Dennis. "I have to," replied his father. "I'm a slow reader."
"Dad, do you believe in Buddha?" "Why, of
course, but I think
margarine is just as good."
"Papa, who was Hamlet?"
"You birdbrain!
Bring me the Bible and I'll show you who he
Young Bobby was
being fitted for glasses,
and his father, standing beside him, said,
"Now, remember, son.
Don't wear them when you're not looking at
Don't you think our son gets his
brains from me?
Mother: Probably, dear. I still have all of mine.
"Can I go outside and watch the solar eclipse?"
asked Rupert.
"Okay," replied his father, "but don't stand too
Son: Where are the Himalayas?
Father: If
you'd put things away, you'd know where to find
Tad looked up from the book on ancient history

he was reading and asked his father, "Pop, what's a millennium?"

"Well," he muttered, "I think it's something like a centennial,

only it has more legs!"
NEWS ITEM. Kidnappers grabbed a little boy and

two days later sent him home with a ransom note.
His parents
immediately sent the kid back with the money.
When Ben hit his thumb with a hammer he
out a few choice words. Shocked by her son's outburst, his mother

said, "Don't you dare use that kind of language in here." "William

Shakespeare did," replied Ben. "Well, you'd better stop going around

with him," said Mom.
We spend the first twelve months of our
children's lives
teaching them to walk and talk, and the next Twenty-four
years telling
them to sit down and shut up!
What didn't Adam and Eve have that

everyone else has?
Why are parents boring?
Because they're
What's another name for an parent?
who's stopped growing except around the waist.