A mother of two teenage boys, was constantly
being asked to
look for things they couldn't find. Most of the time
these items were
directly in front of them. Seeing her frustration
over this when it
happened yet again, one of her sons remarked:

"It's not my fault, Mom. I don't have 'parental vision:"
" I know the answer to your bad
grades. You're spending too much time
watching television."
" I'm sorry, you'll have to phrase that in the form of a

Pride is what you feel when your kids net $143
from a garage sale.
Panic is what you feel when you realize your
car is missing.
Father: Son at your age, Winston Churchill used

be up and out for his morning walk at 5 a.m..

Son: Dad, at
your age, he had become the Prime Minister of
Girl: Mom, mom a monster's just bitten my foot
Mom: Well, keep out of the kitchen, I've just washed the
What do you
call a small parent?
minimum !
Father: I want to take my girl our of this
terrible math
Teacher: But she's top of the
Father: That's why I think it must be a terrible class.
Boy: Dad, Dad, come out. My
fighting this ten foot gargoyle with three heads.
Dad: No, I'm not
coming out. She's going to have to learn to look
after herself.
Come here, you greedy wretch. I'll teach you

to eat all your sister's birthday chocs.
It's all right Dad, I
know how !
Teddy came thundering down the stairs, much to
his father's
'Teddy,' he called, 'how many more
times have I got to tell you to
come down the stairs quietly? Now,
go back up and come down like a
civilised human being.'
was a silence, and Teddy reappeared in the front room.
better,' said his father. 'Now will you always come down
stairs like
'Suits me,' said Teddy. 'I slid down the bannister.'
Dad: Why is your January report card so bad
Son: Well, you know how it is. Things are always marked down after

Christmas !
you hear about the little boy who was
named after his father ?
They called him Dad !
Mrs. Ellis came home from
work one evening
to find her three-year-old son lighting up a cigar. She
raced into
the kitchen where her husband was making dinner.

"Hey!" she
announced. "This is terrible! I just caught Matthew
lighting a cigar!"

"You put a stop to that right now," he shouted.

kid is altogether too young to be playing with matches!"
Old-fashioned Zachary approached Lureen's

father, intent upon asking him for her hand in marriage.

he blurted out, "I have an attachment for your daughter, and

"See here, young man," interrupted the parent, "when my daughter

needs accessories, I'll buy them myself."
During a flood in a small Ohio town, a young

girl was perched on top of a house with a little boy.

As they
sat watching articles float along with the water, they noticed
baseball cap float by. Suddenly, the cap turned and came back, then

turned around and went downstream. After it had gone some distance, it

turned again and came back.

"Do you see that baseball cap?"
said the girl. "First it goes
downstream, then turns around and
comes back."

"Oh, that's my dad," replied the boy. "This morning
he said that
come hell or high water, he was going to cut the grass
Bentley and his wife and son were sitting at
the dinner table when the boy
suddenly blurted out,

you're dumb, Mom. You don't know anything."

"Now, son," scolded
Bentley, "you musn't be picky about your
mother's little
"Dad," said Rickey, "what is electricity?"

"Uh," replied his father, "I don't really know too much about


A few minutes later the boy said, "How does gas
make the engine go?"

"Son, I'm afraid I don't know much about
motors." "Dad," said the
boy, "what is anthropology?"

The father frowned. "I really don't know."

Dad, I guess I'm making a nuisance of myself." "Not at all,
son. If
you don't ask questions, you'll never learn
Mrs. Filmore returned home from a business trip
and asked her

"How did Greg do on his history

"Oh, not so good," he replied.

"But it wasn't his
fault. They asked him about things that happened
before he was
"Son, you sure do ask a lot of questions,"

said the father. "I'd like to know what would have happened if I'd

asked as many questions when I was a boy."

"Perhaps," said
the boy, "you'd've been able to answer some of
"Honey," said Mrs.
Beldon to her

"Lester's teacher says he ought to have an encyclopedia."

"Encyclopedia, my eye!" exclaimed Beldon.

"Let him walk to
school like I did."