Why did Captain Kirk go into the ladies

toilet ? To boldly go where no man has been before !
What do you get if you cross a dog and a
film studio ?
Collie-wood !
What do you call a fight between film
actors ?
Star wars !
What sort of animals make the best TV
presenters ?
Gnus - readers !
What is an Actor? A man who tries to be
everything but
What kind of star wears sunglasses?
movie star.
Why can't
anyone stay angry long
with an actress?
Because she always makes up.
How many movie directors does it
take to change a lightbulb?
A: Just one, but he wants to do it
thirty-two times and when he's done
everyone thinks that his last
lightbulb was much better.
Producer: Would you call your leading

lady ugly?
Director: Let's just say she'd look better on radio
than on TV.
Fred: I met a really
conceited actor
the other day.
Harry: Why do you say he's conceited?
Fred: Well,
every time there was a thunderclap during the storm, he
went to the
window and took a bow.
Why do actors like snooker
Because that's where they get their best cues.
Why does an actor enjoy his work so
Because it's all play.
A bit-part actor finally got his first
leading role
in a major film. In one scene the actor had to jump off
a high diving
board in to a swimming pool. He climed to the top of
the board, looked
down and promptly climbed down

`What's the matter?' asked the director.

`I can't jump from that
board!' said the actor. `Do you know there's
only one foot of
water in that pool?'

'Yes,' said the director. `We don't want
you to drown, you
Haven't I seen you on TV?

Actor: Well, I do appear, on and off, you know. How do you like me?

Neighbour: Off.
What's the definition of a good actor?

Somebody who tries hard to be everybody but himself.
An actor went to see a new agent one day

and said, `You must have a look at my act, it really is

So saying, he flew up to the ceiling, circled the room a few
times and
landed smoothly on the agent's desk.

`So you do
bird impressions,' said the agent, `what else can you
Fred: I'd love to be an

Harry: Break a leg then! Amy: Whatever for?
Fred: Then you'd be
in a cast for weeks.
Why was the
actor pleased to be on
the gallows?
Because at last he was in the noose.
Denied membership in an exclusive country
club because he was an
actor, biblical epic star Victor Mature is
reported to have said "Hell,
I'm no actor, and I've got thirty
movies to prove it!"
agent stops by another agent's
table to tell him the big news: "Elvis
just died!"

second agent says nothing, then starts nodding. "Good career