Why did the monster go into hospital?
have his ghoul-stones removed.
What did the monster say to his
'I feel abominable.'
MRS MONSTER TO MR MONSTER: Try to be nice
to my mother when she visits us this weekend, dear. Fall down when she
What do you get if you cross a monster with a
Lots of very worried dogs.
FIRST MONSTER: I'm going
to a party
SECOND MONSTER: Oh, are you?
FIRST MONSTER: Yes, I must go
to the graveyard and dig out a few old
the monsters' football pitch
Because the players keep dribbling on it.
FRED: Your monster was
making a terrible
noise last night.
BERT: Yes - ever since he ate Madonna, he thinks
he can sing.
FRED MONSTER: My sister must be twenty. I
the rings under her eyes.
BERT MONSTER: That's nothing. My
sister's tongue is so long, she can
lick an envelope after she's
What do you get if you cross a bird with a
FIRST HUMAN BOY: I can lift a
SECOND HUMAN BOY: Bet you can't!
FIRST HUMAN BOY:
Find me a monster with one hand and I'll prove it.
How can you tell if a monster has a
When it comes out in conversation.
What is a monster's favourite society?
What's big and hairy and goes 'beep
A monster in a traffic jam.
An enormous monster with eight arms and eleven
legs walked into a tailors shop.
'Quick!' shouted the tailor
to his assistant. 'Hide the "Free
What do sea monsters have for dinner?
If storks bring
human babies, what bring
A very tall monster with several arms and
legs, all of
different lengths, went into a tailor's shop.
like to see a suit that will fit me,' he told the tailor.
I, sir,' said the tailor. 'So would I.'
'Here's a good book,' said the
assistant in the book shop to Mrs Monster.
'How To Help Your Husband
'No, thank you,' said Mrs Monster. 'My husband's
got two heads
already. . .'
Why did the monster dye her hair yellow?
see if blondes have more fun.
What's big and ugly and drinks
out of the
wrong side of the glass?
A monster trying to get rid of hiccups.