Did you hear about the monster who
his picture to a lonely hearts club?
They sent it back saying they
weren't that lonely!
What happened when the monster stole a
bottle of perfume?
He was convicted of fragrancy.
How did the world's tallest monster become
Someone stole all his money.
What aftershave do monsters wear?
What can a monster do that you
Count up to 25 on his fingers.
Why was the big, hairy,
top of the class at school?
Because two heads are better than
Why did the
monster paint himself in
Because he wanted to hide in the crayon box.
Waiter on ocean liner: Would you like the
Monster: No thanks, just bring me the passenger list.
What happened to Ray when he met the
He became an ex-Ray.
Don't eat that uranium.
Little monster: Why not?
Mommy monster: You'll get
Mom, Mom, what's for tea?
Mother monster: Shut up and get back in the microwave.
Little monster: Mom,
why can't we have
dustbins like everyone else?
Mother monster: Less talking, more
Little monster: Mom I've finished.
leave the table?
Mommy monster: Yes, I'll save it for your tea.
MONSTER MOTHER: How many times have I told you
not to eat with your fingers?
Use the spade like everyone
FIRST MONSTER: I fancy
eating the city of
Hong Kong tonight. Care to join me?
SECOND MONSTER: No thanks, I
can't stand Chinese food.
FIRST MONSTER: Am I late for dinner?
SECOND MONSTER: Yes, everyone's been eaten.
hardest part of making monster
What do they have for lunch at Monster
Human beans, boiled legs, pickled bunions and eyes-cream.
What is a monster's favourite
Monster: Where do fleas go in
Werewolf: Search me!