#1
While practicing autorotations during a

military night training exercise a Huey Cobra screwed up the landing and

landed on the tail rotor. The landing was so hard that it broke off
the
tail boom. However, the chopper fortunately remained upright on
its
skids, sliding down the runway doing 360s.

As the Cobra
slid past the tower, trailing a brilliant shower of
sparks, this
was the radio exchange that took place...

Tower: "Sir, do you
need any assistance?"

Cobra: "I don't know Tower, we ain't done
crashin'
yet."
#2
Following some duty overseas, the officers at
the Fort were
planning a welcome home party and dance for the unit.
Being an all male
combat force, they decided to request coeds from
some of the surrounding
colleges to attend. The Captain called
Vassar and was assured by the
Dean that arrangements could be made to
send over a dozen of their most
trustworthy students.

The
Captain hesitated, then said, "Would it also be possible to send a

dozen or so of the other kind?"
#3
During camouflage training in Louisiana, a
private disguised as
a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was
spotted by a visiting
general.

"You simpleton!" the officer
barked. "Don't you know that by
jumping and yelling the way you did,
you could have endangered the lives of
the entire
company?"

"Yes sir," the solder answered apologetically. "But, if I may say

so, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target

practice. And I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower

branches. But When two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard the
bigger
say, "Let's eat one now and save the other until winter'
--- that did
it."
#4
- Who likes music? - asks a
commander.

- Two soldiers step forward.

- All right. I bought a piano.
Take it to my apartment on the fourth
floor.
#5
The
theatrical manager exclaimed: "Your
last role was magnificent, Mr. Brown.
You enacted so well that
officer wounded on the battlefield. Your
suffering looked very much like
real."

"It was. I've got a large nail in my shoe."


"Well," said the manager, "for heaven's sake leave it in until the

end of the run of the play."
#6
Recruits were shocked at the language the

sergeant used in their unit. During a smoke break one young soldier
asked:
"Sergeant, where did you le-arn your
language?"

"Learnit, hell, it's a gift," proudly informed the NCO.
#7
Two paratrooper
recruits in a
plane:

- Are you crazy, Vasily? You are going to jump without a
parachute.

- Is it mandatory to wear it?

- Sure. It's raining
outside.
#8
Q: How is Saddam like Fred
Flintstone ?

A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.
#9
Q: What's the difference between Aeroflot
and the Scud
Missile ? A: Aeroflot has killed more people.
#10
Q: What is Iraq's
national bird ?
A:
Duck
#11
Q: Did you hear that it is twice as easy to

train Iraqi fighter pilots?
A: You only have to teach them to
take off.
#12
Q: "How many members of the coalition does it

take to screw in a light bulb?"
A: "We are not prepared to
comment on specific numbers at this
time."
#13
Q: What is the best Iraqi job ?
A:
Foreign Ambassador
#14
Q: What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer
have in
common ?
A: They both want to know where the hell those
Tomahawks are coming
from !
#15
Q: What does Saddam want for Thanksgiving ?

A: Turkey.
#16
Q. What do Baghdad and Hiroshima have in

common ?
A. Nothing, yet.
#17
Airmen had to launch two E-3 AWACS from a
National Guard
base after a heavey snow strom. Well after a 5 hour
delay waiting for
the snow to be plowed of, they were able to
take-off. The planes taxied
off and stoped a hundred yards to the flight
line. The civilians had
forgot to finish the rest of the taxi way.
#18
Sargeant Williams was the newest drill
instructor at AOCS, Aviation
Officer Candidate School and as such was
always trying to impress his
company commander and the other officers
in the Command. Daily he was seen
jumping all over his officer
candidates and yelling at them as he
supposedly developed them into
future Naval Officers. We were lined up behind
his company awaiting
our turn to go into the mess hall for lunch.
We all listened as
Sargeant Williams yelled at his company, " you will
eat in a military
fashion, enjoy this delicious meal and fall by in
formation at 1215,
do you worms understand me?"
"Yes drill sargeant."
"There are
only three rules in this galley, shut up, eat up and get
up, do you
pukes understand me?"
"Yes drill sargeant."
"Then proceed. Company
forward march."
When they got inside, they were surprised to see
several Miss Florida
contestants getting a tour of the mess hall.
Not one to let an
opportunity slip by the drill sargeant yelled at
the top of his lungs, " bravo
company what is the first rule of the
mess hall?"
To his chagrin, his company all yelled out in unison,
"shut up drill
sargeant!"
#19
Soldier Ivanov was ordered to peel a

barrel of potatos.

- In this day and age, the army should have a
machine to peel potatos,
complains Ivanov.

- Absolutely,
answered the sergeant. And you are its latest
model.
#20
Colin
Powell, once USA's highest ranking
military officer, (now Secretary of
State), loves to relate this
incident from his Vietnam days. It shows the
importance of clear
objectives.

Finding an outpost at a very vulnerable spot, Powell
decided to
investigate why it was location was chosen. He was assured
that it was a very
important outpost.
"What's it's
mission?"
" To protect the airfield!"
"What's the airfield here
for?"
"To resupply the outpost!"