Men don't
get lost; they discover alternative
Anytime you see a young man open a car door for

his girlfriend, either the car is new or the girlfriend is.
Q: What do you call a man who marries an old, ugly
poor woman?
A: Desperate!
This man says to his friend," I stopped

driving 10 years ago. Now my wife drives and I just sit there and hold

the wheel."
A neighbor of
mine was bit by a stray rabid
dog. I went to see how he was and found him
writing furiously. I told
him rabies could be cured and he didn't have
to worry about a
will. He said, "Will, what will? I'm making a list
of people I'm
gonna bite."
Brian was dating
Lorraine and they were very
close. While they were dating he met another
woman named Clearly and
wanted to start dating her but felt that he should
be faithful to
Lorraine. So he continued to date Lorraine. One day
Brian took
Lorraine on a walk in the woods by the river. As they were
walking near
the river Lorraine fell in and was washed away. Brian softly
"I can see Clearly now, Lorraine has gone..."
Q: How many Real Men does it take to change a

light bulb?
A: None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
Q: Men will brag that
there are women waiting
by the phone at this very moment for their call.
Who are these
A: Women working at 900 numbers.
What is the difference between men and
Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.
Question: If a man speaks in the
forest and
there is no woman around to hear him, is he still
Question: How many men does it take to mop the
Answer: None, it's a women's job.
Men are like plungers.
They spend most of their
lives in a hardware store or the
Men are like horoscopes.
They always tell you
what to do and are usually wrong.
Men are like department
clothes should always be half off.
Men are
like plastic wrap.
Cheap. Clingy.
And very easy to see through.
Men are like old
car tires.
Balding, full
of hot air, and it never hurts to have a spare.
Men are like pillows.
Eventually, even the best
ones get soft and lumpy.
Men are like
soap operas.
They're fun to
watch, but don't believe everything you hear.
are like road kill.
They usually just
lie around until they start to smell.
Men are like vacuum
They're not
much fun, but at least you get to push them around.