Sarah was reading a newspaper,
husband was engrossed in a
magazine. Suddenly, she burst out
"Listen to this," she said. "There's a classified ad here
guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the
"Hmmm," her husband said, not looking up from his magazine.
Teasing him, Sarah said, "Would you swap me for a season ticket?"
"Absolutely not," he said.
"How sweet," Sarah said. "Tell me why
"Season's more than half over," he said.
A wealthy man sat in his attorney's
"Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?"
"Give me the bad news first."
"Your wife found a picture
worth a half-million dollars."
"That's the bad news?" the man asked
"I can't wait to hear the terrible news."
of you and your mistress."
For their 25th wedding
anniversary, a man
decides to take his
wife on a trip to France. After two weeks
touring France, they
return to the airport for the trip back to America.
for the plane, the wife turns to her husband and
says, "This was
the most wonderful gift I could have asked for on our
anniversary. I can't wait to hear what you have in mind for
50th anniversary!" Her husband leaned over, kissed her on the
cheek, and said, "I'm going to come back and get you"
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings,
in the ribs and
cackling, telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started
the same thing to them at
On his way out of
church, Frank stopped
at the door to speak to the
minister. "Would it be right," he asked,
"for a person to profit
from the mistakes of another?"
"Absolutely not!" replied the pastor.
"In that case," said the young man, "I
wonder if you'd consider
returning the hundred dollars I paid you
to marry my wife and me
A family was having dinner on
Day. For some reason
the mother was unusually quiet. Finally the
what was wrong.
"Nothing," said the woman.
buying it, he asked again. "Seriously, what's wrong?"
"Do you really
want to know? Well, I'll tell you. I have cooked
and cleaned and fed
the kids for 15 years and on Mother's
Day, you don't even tell me
so much as "Thank you."
"Why should I?" he said. "Not once in 15
years have I gotten
a Father's Day gift."
"Yes," she said, "but I'm
their real mother."
"Will the father be present during the
asked the obstetrician.
"Nah," replied the
"He and my husband don't get along."
child at a Christian school was
studying the early days of Mormonism in
his class. He wrote on his
"The early Mormons believed in having more than one wife. This is
polygamy. But we believe in having only one wife. This is
A woman entered the hospital to deliver
her 15th child. "Congratulations,"
said the nurse, "but don't you
think this is enough?" The woman
"Are you kidding? This
is the only vacation I get each year."
"I was in a very generous mood today," a
woman says to
"I gave a poor beggar $25."
lot of money to give away," says her friend. "What did your
"He said, 'Thank you'. "
How do you
turn a Fox into a Pit
Marry her !
An English professor wrote the words, "woman
without her man is a savage"
on the blackboard and directed his
students to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote: "Woman,
without her man, is a savage."
The women wrote: "Woman: Without her,
man is a savage."
A couple came upon a wishing
husband leaned over, made a wish
and threw in a penny. The wife
decided to make a wish, too. But she
over too much, fell into
the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned
for a while but then
smiled and said, "It really works!"
NOVICE: Do clever men make good
SAGE: Clever men don't BECOME husbands!
is very frustrating. In the
first year of marriage, the man
speaks and the woman listens. In
the second year, the woman speaks and
man listens. In the
third year, they both speak and the neighbors
Moe: My wife converted me to
Moe: Yes. Until I married her I didn't believe in
The couple was dining out when the wife
noticed a familiar face at the
bar. "Elliot," she said, pointing "do
you see that man downing
looked over and nodded. "Well," the woman continued,
drinking like that for 10 years, ever since I jilted him!"
husband returned to his meal. "Nonsense," he said, "even that's
worth so much celebrating!"
Night. A sleeping couple
is lying in a
bed. Door bell rings. A couple
Woman: "Quick! My husband
Man jumps out from a window. Flying down he starts to
am the husband!"
was that on the
Husband: Wrong number. Some guy thought this was the weather
Wife: What did he say?
Husband: He asked if the coast was clear...
A woman and her lover are on the bed in the
all of a sudden, they hear the front door
open and close.
"Oh, no, it's my husband!"
The man says, "Where's
your back door?"
"We don't have a back door" says the woman.
man then asks, "Well, where do you want a back door?"