Where did the burgers go after
On a bun-eymoon!
Hey, you just shot my wife.
I'm so sorry,
have a shot at mine !
She was two thirds married once.
What do
you mean ?
Well, she turned up, the Minster turned up, but the groom
didn't !
Why was the broom late ?
It over swept
Why did the 280-pound girl
marry the
400-pound man?
She wanted a big wedding.
Why is a bride always out of luck on her
wedding day?
Because she never marries the best man.
Marriage is a three-ring circus:

Engagement ring...

Wedding ring...

Actor: Dad, guess what? I've just
got my first part in a play. I play
the part of a man who's been
married for 30 years.
Father: Well, keep at it, son. Maybe one day
you'll get a speaking
A woman was in court
charged with wounding her
husband. "But why did you stab him over a hundred
times?" asked the judge.
"Oh, your Honor," replied the defendant,
"I didn't know how to
switch off the electric carving knife."
Today is my twenty-fifth wedding

Yes, I've been married twenty-five times!
Two men were remembering their
days. "It was dreadful," said Fred. "I got the most terrible

"What happened?" asked Harry.
"I married her," replied Fred.
What happened at the cannibal's wedding

They toasted the bride and groom.
the difference between an Irish
wedding and an Irish

One less drunk.
At a jury trial with the jury consisting of 8

men and 4 women:

Defendant: "Your Honor, I wish to change my

Judge: "Is someone using undue influence to prompt you to

change your mind?"

Defendant: "No sir, when I pleaded Not
Guilty I didn't know
there would be women on the jury. Since I
can't even fool my
wife, I'll never be able to fool the four women
A husband and wife were at a party chatting
with some
friends when the
subject of marriage counseling came
"Oh, we'll never need that. My wife and I have a great

the husband explained. "She was a communications major in
college and
majored in theatre arts." He continued, "She
communicates well and I
like I'm listening."
"Ever since we got married, my wife has tried
to change me. She
got me to
stop drinking, smoking and running
around until all hours of the night.
She taught me how to dress
well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking,
classical music, even how
to invest in the stock market," said the

"Sounds like
you may be bitter because she changed you so

remarked his friend.

"I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she
just isn't good
for me."
A man took his wife to the doctors.
a short examination the doctor said
"Your wife's mind has
completely gone!"
To which the man replied "I'm not surprised.
been giving a piece of it to me every day for the past 25
Two men were changing in the locker room
after a game of tennis. One
notices the other one is putting on pair of
stockings and suspenders.
He says "When did you start wearing them?"
To which the other man
replies "Since my wife found a pair on the
back seat of the car."
child was a typical four-year-old
girl - cute, inquisitive, bright
as a new penny. When she expressed
difficulty in grasping the concept
of marriage, her father decided to
pull out his wedding photo album,
thinking visual images would help.

One page after another, he pointed out the bride arriving at the

the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the
"Now do you understand?" he asked.
"I think
so," she said, "is that when mommy came to work for
The room was full of
pregnant women and
their partners. The Lamaze class
was in full swing. The instructor
was teaching the women how to breathe
properly, and informing the
men how to give the necessary assurances at
this stage of the
"Ladies, exercise is good for you," announced the teacher. "Walking

especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you
to take
time to go walking with your partner!"
The room
was very quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group

his hand.
"Yes?" asked the instructor.
"Is it all right if she
carries a golf bag while we walk?"