A man is incomplete until he is married.

After that, he's finished.
Losing a wife can be hard. In most cases, it

is damned near impossible.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her
first name was
not true that married men live
longer than single men. It only seems
married guys go golfing on Sunday.
During the 3rd hole the following
conversation ensued:

Guy: "Man, you have no idea what I had to do to be able to come
golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint

every room in the house next weekend."

Second Guy: "That's
nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will
build her a new deck for
the pool."

Third Guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to
promise my wife that
I will remodel the kitchen for her."

continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy

has not said a word. So they ask him. "You haven't said anything about

what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What's

Fourth Guy: "I don't want to talk about it.
Let's just say that the
foundation for the new house is being poured
next Tuesday."
married couple was in a terrible
accident where the woman's face was
severely burned.

The doctor
told the husband that they couldn't graft the skin from her
so the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.

the only skin on his body that the doctor found suitable would
to come from his rear end.

The husband and wife agreed that
they would tell no one about where the
skin came from, and requested
that the doctor also honor their secret.
After all, this was a very
delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was
astounded at the woman's
new beauty. She looked more beautiful
than she ever had before! All her
friends and relatives just went on
and on about her youthful beauty!

One day, she was alone with
her husband, and she was overcome with
emotion at his sacrifice.

She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you d
id for
me. There is no way I could ever repay you."

darling," he replied," think nothing of it. I get all the thanks
need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
A guy gets home early from work and hears

strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his
naked on the bed, sweating and panting.

'What's up?'
he says.

'I'm having a heart attack,' cries the

He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialling.
four-year-old son comes up and says,
`Daddy! Daddy! Uncle
Ted's hiding in your wardrobe and he's got no

The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past

his screaming wife and rips open the wardrobe door.

enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the

'You jerk,' yells the husband, 'my wife's having a
heart attack and
you're running around with no clothes on scaring
the kids!'