#1
When Mr. Maxwell's wife left him he

couldn't sleep.
"She took the bed!"
#2
Marriage is nature's way of preventing

people from fighting with strangers.
#3
Two ladies were hanging out together and one
was depressed.
"What's wrong?"
The depressed one replied,
"I've been married four times and everyone
of my husbands has passed
away."
The other lady asked, "What did they used to do?"
The
depressed lady replied, "Well, my first husband was a millionaire,
the
second was a magician, the third was an evangelist, and the fourth

was a mortician."
And the other said, "Oh, one for the money, two for
the show, three to
get ready, and four to go."
#4
QUESTION: Do you know what
is honeymoon?
ANSWER: A short period of doting between dating and
debting.
#5
QUESTION: Why should a honeymoon only be six
days?
ANSWER: Because seven days makes a whole week.
#6
QUESTION: What is
honeymoon? ANSWER: That
brief span of time between, "I do" and
"You'd better!"
#7
My wife sez that I'm too extravagant; that

if anything ever happens to her, I'll have to beg. I told her I'd
be
fine. I mean look at all the experience I've got.
#8
A woman decided to have her portrait painted.
She told the
artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond
necklace, emerald
bracelets and a ruby pendant."
"But you are not
wearing any of those things."
"I know," she said. "It's in case I
should die before my husband.
I'm sure he will remarry right away,
and I want his new wife to go nuts
looking for the jewelry."
#9
"The thrill is gone from my marriage," Brian
told his best friend
Mike.
"Why not add some intrigue to your
life, and have an affair?" his
friend suggested.

"But what
if my wife finds out?"

"Heck, we are almost on the begining of
the 21st centrury, Brian. Go
ahead and tell her about it!"


So Brian went home and said, "Dear, I think an affair will bring us

closer together."

"Forget it," said his wife. "I've tried that
many times - it never
worked."
#10
Wife, opening mail, to spouse: "The bank says
that this is our last
notice. Isn't it wonderful that they're not
going to bother us
anymore?'
#11
The wedding was over, and the reception

was in full swing. Dave an usher, was having a great time with other

members of the wedding party. His wife, Betty was not.
"Don't be
to mad at Dave," a friend told her. "He did a terrific
job. I'd be
glad to have him usher at my wedding."
"Yeah," Betty replied, "I
wish he had been an usher at
mine."
#12
The groom, upon his engagement, went to his

father and said, "I've
found a woman just like mother!" His
father replied, "So what do
you want from me, sympathy?"
#13
Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He

didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she

didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.
#14
John: "I'm a man of few words."

Bill:
"I'm married, too."
#15
Q:
What do you call two spiders who just
got married?
A: Newlywebs.
#16
Both of my marriages have been

disappointing. My first wife left me and my second one didn't.marr
#17
BARTENDER: I think you've had enough,
sir.
DRUNK: I just lost my wife, buddy!
BARTENDER: Well, it must be
hard losing a wife....
DRUNK: It was almost impossible!
#18
Before we got married,
I caught her in my
arms.
Now I catch her in my pockets.
#19
Q: How is a
marriage like a hot
bath?
A: Once you get used to it, it's not so hot.
#20
Q: How do you know when you're at a
hillbilly
wedding?
A: Everyone is sitting on the same side of the
church.