When a small Montana village decided to
buy a new fire
truck, the town council met to decide what to do
with the old one.
Randall, an old rancher, stood up. "Ah think we
should keep the old
truck," he said.
"We can use it for all
them false alarms!"
Melburn was strolling along downtown
Natchez with a framed picture
under his arm. "Hey, what yew got
there?" asked a neighbor. "I dunno
much 'bout art," replied Melburn,
"but Ah just bought me an original
Michelangelo for two hundred
dollars! It's one of the few he ever did in
IRS Agent: What's all this? Bracken:
Well, you told me to bring all my records with me and I did.
Here's some by Willie Nelson, Tammy Wynette, and Garth Brooks . .
Jett was trying to
light a match.
He struck the first one and it didn't work, so he threw it
He struck the second match. That didn't work either, so he tossed
Jett struck the third one and it lit up. "That's a good one!"
the idiot, blowing it out.
"Ah'm gonna save it!"
"Why do rednecks act like
morons?'' "Who says they're acting?"
Why did the idiot drive his pickup
truck over the side of the cliff?
He wanted to try out his new air
Did you hear about the idiot who filled
out an employment
In the blank labeled "Church
Preference" he filled in: Red
Slim walked into his local post office
and noticed a new sign on the wall: MAN WANTED FOR ROBBERY IN
"Gosh!" he said, "If n only that job was in Texas, Ah'd take
Did you hear about the Oklahoma
idiot who married an American Indian? They had a baby and wanted to name
it to reflect both races.
So they called it Running Dummy.
Did you hear about the idiot who
planted Cheerios in his backyard?
He thought they were donut
Titus was on a
with several other people. As the elevator moved up,
he stared at
the small fan revolving slowly in the elevator ceiling.
amazing," he said to the other people, "that such a small fan
all these people!"
Four Independence boys, Pugh, Sumter,
Grayson, were walking down a Clay County road when they
came to a high,
solid brick wall. Wondering what was behind it, Pugh,
Sumter and Kilby
boosted Grayson so he could take a look. "Looks
like one of them nudist
camps," reported Grayson. "Men or women?"
asked Pugh. "Can't
tell," said Grayson. "They don't have no clothes
Did you hear about the hillbilly who
asked his friends to give him their burnt-out light bulbs. He wanted
start a dark room.
Kowalski and Janzek left Hamtramack and
went out in the woods looking for
looked all day without any luck.
Near nightfall Kowalski finally
said, "Janzek, I'm takin' the next
tree we come to, whether it has
lights on it or not!"
The teacher asked a Louisiana teenager
to count to
five. The youngster proceeded to count to five on his
Then the teacher asked, "Can you count any higher?"
The boy raised his hands over his head and counted to five
Did you hear about
bubblebrain who was two hours late for work because the
Treadwell walked into a Biloxi
stationery store and
asked, "Have you got any invisible ink?"
"Certainly sir," said the owner. "What color?"
How do Alaska CB radio operators say
Did you hear about the Murfreesboro
muddlebrain whose father told him about the birds and the bees?
The next day, the Tennessean was stung by a bee and thought he was
Did you hear about the Montana moron
who went looking for a
gas leak with a safety match?