My friend is so silly that he spent two
weeks in a
revolving door looking for the doorknob!
A silly boy
spent the afternoon with some
friends, but when the time came for him
to leave, a terrific storm started
with thunder, lightning and
'You can't go
home in this,' said one of his friends, ' you'd
better stay the
'That's very kind of you,' said the boy. ' I'll just run
get my pyjamas.'
A boy went into the local department
store where he saw a sign on the escalator - 'Dogs must be carried
The boy then spent the next tow hours
looking for a dog.
Why did the stupid boy wear a turtle
To hide his flea collar.
He is so dumb, he thinks an agent is
someone who keeps track of your
According to the
Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the U.S.
Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed. The
bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey,
abbreviated, "Wash. Biol. Surv." until the agency received the
letter from an Arkansas camper: "Dear Sirs: While camping last
shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the
instructions on the leg tag and I want to tell you it was
business consultant Ulf af
Trolle labored 11 years on a book about
Swedish economic solutions.
He took the 175-page manuscript to be copied,
only to have it
reduced to 25,000 strips of paper in seconds when a
worker confused the
copier with the shredder.
Jim sees his neighbor out back building
a bunker, loading in 75 gallons of bottled water, hauling in a gas
generator and so on. "So, uh, I guess you believe Y2K is a biggie
"Naw", says the neighbor. "Ah's jes' stockin' the bunker
'cuz if I did it any other time, people'd think ah's
interrogated a suspect by placing a metal
colander on his head and
connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The
lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed
the copy button
each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the
Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell
ordered a taco. She asked the individual behind the counter for
lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had
was sitting in my science class,
when the teacher commented that the
next day would be the shortest
day of the year. My lab partner became
visibly excited, cheering
and clapping. I explained to her that the amount
of daylight changes,
not the actual amount of time. Needless to say,
she was very
My neighbor works in the operations
department in the central
office of a large bank. Employees in the
field call him when they have
problems with their computers. One night
he got a call from a woman in
one of the branch banks who had this
question: "I've got smoke coming
from the back of my terminal. Do
you guys have a fire downtown?"
I live in a semi-rural area. We
recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office
request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The
Many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted
them to cross
Police in Oakland, California spent two
hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself
his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers
the man was standing beside them, shouting please to come
out and give
During a break on a North Dakota office
building project, one of the construction workers approached Pyle.
"Ah heard the boys is gonna strike," he said.
fer?" asked Pyle.
"Good fer them!" said
the redneck. "Ah always did think sixty
minutes was too long fer an
Kennen was having a drink in a saloon
when his neighbor,
Stakely, came rushing in.
somebody's stealin' yore pickup truck!" the man said
Kennan ran outside, but came back right away.
yew stop him?" asked Stakely.
"Naw!" said the redneck. "He was
too fast. But Ah got his license
plate before he got away!"
The July temperature in
climbed over the one hundred mark. Despite the scorching heat,
was outside painting his house. A passerby stopped for a moment to
watch him and then asked, "How cum yer wearin' two jackets?" "
'Cause," said the redneck, "the directions on the can say ta put on two
Izzard went into a Baltimore bank to
cash his check. Since he didn't have an account there, the teller
if he could identify himself.
"Sure," said Izzard.
"There a mirror around here?"
"There's one on the wall right
beside you," said the clerk.
Izzard took a glance in the mirror and
heaved a sigh of relief.
"Yep!" he said. "It's me, all
Mayne and Willard, two idiots, were in
a rowboat on a lake fishing.
Suddenly the spray from a motorboat
racing by flooded their boat.
"How we gonna get the water out?" asked
Mayne. "Easy," said
Willard. "We just bore a hole in the bottom of
the boat and let the water
drain out." The men drilled a hole in
the bottom, and more water started
rushing in. "Wait a minute!"
exclaimed Mayne. "We need another hole
so's the water comin' in
through the first one has a place to go back
into the lake!"
Zack and Tybe, two
boys, bought themselves a truckload of watermelons for a buck
They sold each one for a dollar. After counting up their cash,
realized they'd wound up with the same amount of money
"See!" said Tybe. "Ah told yew we
shoulda got a bigger