An idiot decided to start a chicken
farm, so he bought a hundred chickens to start. A month later, he
returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens because all of the
lot had died. A month later he was back at the dealers for
hundred chickens for the second lot had also died. "But I
think I know
where I'm going wrong," said the idiot. "I think I am
planting them too
There were two guys working for the
city. One would dig a hole -- he would dig, dig, dig.
would come behind him and fill the hole -- fill, fill, fill.
men worked furiously; one digging a hole, the other filling
A man was watching from the sidewalk and couldn't believe how
these men were working, but couldn't understand what they
Finally he had to ask them.
He said to the hole digger,
"I appreciate how hard you work, but what
are you doing? You dig a
hole and your partner comes behind you and
fills it up
The hole digger replied, "Oh yeah, must look funny, but the guy who
plants the trees is sick today."
One idiot said to the other, "You
know, there are really only three kinds of people in the world: those
can count, and those who can't.
What did the idiot do to the flea in
QUESTION: Why does the town idiot take
his bedroom door off the
hinges and put it to the sid every night
when he goes to sleep?
ANSWER: Because he's afraid someone would
look through the
Two newfies walked into a pet
store. The first says "I want four budgies."
would you like two male and two female or
all male or all female?
Newfie-I don't care. I just want 4 budgies!
sir, what color would you like? We have yellow,
- I don't care what color they are, just put four budgies in a
for me. Is that too hard?
Salesman - O.K. O.K.
The two newfies
pay for the budgies and leave. They drive out to this
high cliff in
Newfoundland and the first newfie reaches in the box and
two of the birds, grasps them firmly and jumps off the cliff
flapping his arms. Of course he SPLATS at the bottom.
newfie looks down at his friend's twisted remains and says
shame. this budgie jumping isn't all it's cracked up to
Q: Have you heard about the Irish
A: There's a 12-month waiting list.
Q: Did you hear about the 25 Irish
people that drowned?
A: They were riverdancing.
After interviewing a particularly
job candidate, I described the person to my boss as rather
My boss said, "Really? Where is Monosyllabia?".
Thinking that he was
just kidding, I played along and said that it was
just south of
Elbonia. He replied, "Oh, you mean over by
investigators on Maui have
determined the cause of a blaze that destroyed
a $127,000 home last
month - a short in the homeowner's newly
installed fire prevention
alarm system. "This is even worse than last year,"
distraught homeowner, "when someone broke in and stole my new
A student in Belle, West Virginia
was suspended for three days for giving a classmate a cough drop. School
principal Forest Mann reiterated the school's "zero-tolerance"
policy...not to be confused with the "zero-intelligence" policy.
A 9-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia
received a one-day suspension under his elementary school's drug
week - for Certs! Joey Hoeffer allegedly told a
classmate that the
mints would make him "jump higher."
An Illinois man pretending to have a
gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different
automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw
his own bank accounts.
Why did the Aggie call 911 in the
- He thought he saw the rotating car washer as a
How do you keep an imbecile
all his life ?
Tell him a joke when he's a baby !
Why did the idiot have his sundial
So he could tell the time at night !
Did you hear about the stupid
Kamikaze pilot ?
He flew 57 missions !
Why did Silly Sue throw her guitar away
Because it had a hole in the middle.
A guy walking down a street one
afternoon passes an old man sitting
on the side of the road with a large
The younger guy says to the old man, "Watcha got in the
The old man responds, "I got some monkeys in that there
The younger man asks, "If I guess how many monkeys you got in the
sack, can I keep one?"
The old man replies, "Son, if you guess how many
monkeys I got in this
sack, I'll give you both of 'em!"
Sister: Why are you putting
saddle on backward ? Brother: How do you know which way I'm going