Why was six scared of seven? Because seven ate
What's the difference between a sigh, a car and

a monkey? A sigh is oh, dear. A car is too dear. A monkey is you,

This morning I felt that today was going to be

my lucky day. I got up at seven, had seven dollars in my pocket,
were seven of us at lunch and there were seven horses in the
o'clock race - so I backed the seventh.
Did it win?
it came seventh.
I'm not rich like Jack, don't have a mansion

like Russell or have a Porsche like Martin but I do love you and
want to
marry you.
I love you too, but what was that you said about
Martin !
Do you love me?
Of course
Then whisper
something soft and sweet in my ear
Lemon meringue pie !
Last night I dreamt I ate a giant marshmallow.
When I
woke up my pillow was gone !
What do you call a bell
wearing a tutu
A bellerina !
Why did the knight run about shouting for a tin

opener ? He had a bee in his suit of armour !
What do you call a guard
with a hundred
legs? A sentrypede.
Did you hear about the man in the electric chair
asked the executioner to reverse the charges ?
Why did the teacher decide to become an
electrician? To get a bit of
light relief.
What is the most breathless thing on television
? The Pink Panter Show
What do you use to cut the ocean? A

The young Southern belle came to the hospital
for a
check-up. "Have you ever been x-rayed?", asked the doctor.
she replied, "But ah've been ultra-violated."
After wedding a young couple rented a town house
in a large complex.
Concerned about a leak in an upstairs bathroom,
young woman called the
manager several times, but nothing happened.

Finally her husband reached the manager and, noting the seriousness
the problem, said, " My wife is afraid the bathtub will fall
the kitchen."
"Oh, no," the manager quickly replied. "The
bathtub falls through
the living room."
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come
back? A
So one day, Gramma sent her grandson Johnny down
the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was
the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He
dropped the
bucket and hightailed it for
Gramma's kitchen. "Well
now, where's my bucket and where's my
water?" Gramma asked him.
"I can't get any water from that water hole,
Gramma" exclaimed
Johnny. "There's a BIG ol' alligator down there!"
"Now don't you mind
that ol' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for
a few years now,
and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as
scared of you
as you are of him!" "Well, Gramma," replied Johnny, "if
he's as
scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to
There once was a German schoolteacher. She went
to England
to teach. When she arrived at the boardinghouse, she wanted
to use
the bathroom of the Water Closet. She sent a note with a
boy to the host asking where the WC was, thinking that the house

knew what WC stood for. When the host recieved the letter, he wrote a

response thinking that the WC was the Wayside Chapel. He reponse
The WC is 3 miles away. My wife has been sick for a while, so she
not able to go for 3 years. The WC can hold up to 300 people at
time. The people complained about the hard wooden seats so
instead soft,
plush seats were made. I have reserved for you the best
seat where
EVERYONE can see you!
What is an archaeologist ? Someone who's career
is in ruins !
Do you believe in love at first sight or do I
have to walk by