#101
A friend and I were standing in line at a

fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order.

There was a big
sign posted. "No bills larger than $20 will be
accepted."


The woman in front of us, pointing to the sign, remarked, "Believe me,

if I HAD a bill larger than $20, I wouldn't be eating here."
#102
A lady was picking through the
frozen turkeys
at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for
her
family.

She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any
bigger?"

The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
#103
Q: Ever wonder
about people who pay $2 for a
bottle of Evian water?

A: Just spell "Evian" backwards!
#104
An elderly couple were killed in an accident and
found themselves
being given a tour of heaven by Saint Peter. "Here
is your oceanside
condo, over there are the tennis courts, swimming
pool, and two golf
courses. If you need any refreshments, just stop
by any of the many bars
located throughout the area."

"Heck,
Gloria," the old man hissed when Saint Peter walked off, "we
could
have been here ten years ago if you hadn't heard about all that

stupid oat bran, wheat germ, and low-fat diets!"
#105
Johnny: Daddy, are caterpillars good to

eat?

Father: Have I not told you never to mention such things during
meals!

Mother: Why did you say that, Junior? Why did you ask the
question?

Johnny: It's because I saw one on daddy's lettuce,
but now it's
gone.
#106
In February 1994 in New Brighton, Minn., a

32-year-old man and his 24-year-old girlfriend were arrested after a food

fight in a grocery store. After arguing loudly, the couple began
throwing
sweet potatoes at each other. Eventually, the man allegedly
threw the
woman into several vegetable racks, sending the contents
spilling to the
floor. As both continued to brawl on the floor, she
allegedly stuffed
lettuce into the man's mouth.
#107
When the waitress in a
New York City restaurant brought
him the soup du jour, the Englishman
was a bit dismayed. "Good
heavens," he said, "what is this?"

"Why, it's bean soup," she
replied.

"I don't care what it has been," he sputtered. "What is it

now?"
#108
I thought you were trying to get into shape?
I
am. The shape I've selected is a triangle.
#109
Sign in restaurant window: "Eat now - Pay

waiter."
#110
Overweight is something that just sort of

snacks up on you.
#111
A friend got some vinegar in his ear, now he

suffers from pickled hearing.
#112
The four food groups: Fast, Frozen, Instant, and

Chocolate.
#113
A
couple of kids tried using pickles for a
Ping-Pong game. They had the
volley of the Dills.
#114
A new chef from India
was fired a week after
starting the job. He keep favoring curry.
#115
The snack bar next door to an
atom smasher
was called "The Fission Chips."
#116
On April Fools Day, a mother put a fire cracker

under the pancakes. She blew her stack.
#117
A family of three tomatoes
were walking
downtown one day when the little baby tomato started
lagging behind. The
big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps
on her,
squashing her into a red paste, and says, "Ketchup!"
#118
A customer was bothering the
waiter in a
restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be
turned up
because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause
he was too
cold, and so on for about half an hour.

Surprisingly, the waiter
was very patient, he walked back and forth and
never once got
angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he
didn't throw out
the pest.

"Oh, I really don't care or mind," said the waiter
with a smile.
"We don't even have an air conditioner."
#119
A customer was bothering the waiter in a
restaurant.
First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because
he was
too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too
cold, and so on
for about half an hour.

Surprisingly, the
waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and
never once got
angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he
didn't throw
out the pest.

"Oh, I really don't care or mind," said the waiter
with a smile.
"We don't even have an air conditioner."
#120
One day, Bill and Tom went to a
restaurant for
dinner. As soon as the waiter took out two steaks, Bill quickly

picked out the bigger steak for himself.

Tom wasn't happy about
that: "When are you going to learn to be
polite?"

Bill: "If
you had the chance to pick first, which one would you

pick?"

Tom: "The smaller piece, of course."

Bill: "What are you whining
about then? The smaller piece is what you
want, right?"