Why did the biscuit cry?
Because its mother
had been a wafer so long.
What's the difference between a biscuit and a
You can dip a biscuit in your tea, but a monster is too big
to fit in
What is small, furry and smells like bacon?
What's the best day to eat bacon?
What are apricots?
Where monkeys sleep.
Don't eat the cookies so fast they'll keep.
I know, but I want to eat as many as I can before I lose my appetite
How do you make gold soup?
Put 14 carrots in
What sort of soup do
with plenty of body in it.
I'd say he was spineless.
Yes, about as
spineless as cooked spaghetti.
What ghost is handy in the
What's the difference between a homeless and a
A pizza can feed a family of four.
Why did the grape cross the road?
away from the grapefruit.
What's red and invisible?
What is the title of the new Vietnamamese
100 way to wok your dog.
Q. What's worse
than finding a worm in the
apple you're eating?
A. Finding half a worm.
"May I take your order?" the waiter asked.
"Yes, how do you prepare your chickens?"
"Nothing special sir," he
replied. "We just
tell them straight out that they're going to
At a dinner party, one
of the guests, an
obnoxiously loud young
man, tried to make clever remarks about everyone
When he was served a piece of meat, he
picked it up with his
fork, held it up and smirked: 'Is this
Another guest, sitting opposite, asked quietly: 'Which end of
the fork are you referring to?'
What are the four food groups?
bachelors: Fast, Frozen, Junk and Spoiled.
For drinkers: Malt, Hops, Barley
For heavies: Caffeine, Fat, Sugar, Chocolate.
went into a deli shop and took a seat
at the lunch counter. "Give me a
corned beef sandwich," he
"Corned beef sandwich is not on the menu, but I can give you a
sandwich with corned beef in it, like our Midnight Special."
a Midnight Special?"
"A triple decker with corned beef, tongue,
bologna, tomato, lettuce,
onion, pickle and mayonnaise, on toasted
"Could you just place a piece of corned beef between two
white bread and serve it to me on a plate?"
sure!" Then, turning to the sandwich man, he sang out: "One
Special. Make it one deck, hold the tongue, bologna, tomato,
onion, pickle and mayonnaise, and make the raisin bread white,
American tourist in Dublin had been
complaining a great deal about the
"Here," he said to the
waitress holding out a piece of meat for
inspection, "do you call
"Which end of the fork, sir?" the waitress asked