A tourist walked into a fish and chip shop in
Ireland. "I'll have fish and chips twice," he orders. "Sure, I heard
you the first time," came the reply.
My brother's on a seafood
Yes, the more he sees food the more he eats.
if you play tabletennis with a
First it goes ping, then it goes pong.
At a party, a conjurer was producing egg after
egg from a little
"There!" he said proudly. "I bet
your Mum can't produce eggs
without hens, can she?"
"Oh yes, she
can," said the boy. "She keeps ducks."
How does a witch make scrambled eggs?
holds the pan and gets two friends to make the stove shake with
Three cookies were crossing the road when the
first one was knocked down. What did the third cookie say as he
the pavement in safety?
What's the difference between a vampire
You can't dip a vampire in your tea.
Jimmy, how many more times must I tell you to
away from that cookie tin?
No more, mom. It's empty.
irate woman burst into the baker's shop
and said, "I sent my son in for
two pounds of cookies this morning
but when I weighed them there was
only one pound. I suggest you
check your scales." The baker looked at
her calmly for a moment or two
and then replied, "Ma'am, I suggest you
weigh your son."
Boy: What's black, slimy,
with hairy legs
and eyes on stalks?
Mom: Eat the cookies and don't worry about
what's in the tin.
I went to see my doctor to see if he could help
me give up smoking.
What did he say?
He suggested that every
time I felt like a smoke I should reach for a
bar of chocolate.
Did that do any good?
No - I can't get the chocolate to light.
Mom: Fred, there were two chocolate cakes in the
larder yesterday, and now there's only one. Why?
don't know. It must have been so dark I didn't see the other
Say something soft and sweet to me. Dracula:
chocolate fudge cake...
What cheese is made
Fred: I thought there was a choice for lunch
Cook: There is.
Fred: No, there isn't. There's only
Cook: You can choose to eat it or leave it.
What musical instrument goes with cheese?
What did the snake say when he was offered a
cheese for dinner?
Thank you, I'll just have a
cake wanted to rule the world?
Attila the Bun.
Girl: Did you like that cake, Mrs Jones?
Jones: Yes, very much.
Girl: That's funny. My mom said you didn't
have any taste.
Flo: Try some of my sponge cake.
Joe: It's a
Flo: That's strange. I only bought the sponge from the