Q: What word begins with the letter "F"
and ends
in "UCK"?
Q. A fireman had
two sons. What did he
name them?
A. Hosea and Hoseb
The Volunteer Fire Chief in a small town

had just been buried. The last words of the service over, his
friends and
family started toward their cars.
However, they stopped
because a strange, eerie sound suddenly was heard
from the
As the guests looked around, a colleague of the deceased said, "Don't

worry... it's just the dispatcher toning him out."
A firefighter died and went to hell where
he finds
a wall of clocks.
After seeing all these clocks on a
wall, with his friends names under
them, he asked the devil, what the
clocks mean?
"That's easy, each time one of your friends mess up on
earth, their
clock speeds up one hour." says the devil.
don't see the Chiefs clock anywhere?" the fireman says.
The devil
replied, "Oh him, we have his down in the basement, we're
using it for a
When the employees of a
attended a fire safety seminar, they watched a fire official

demonstrate the proper way to operate an extinguisher. "Pull the pin like a

hand grenade," he explained, "then depress the trigger to release the

Later an employee was selected to extinguish a controlled
fire in the
parking lot. In her nervousness, she forgot to pull the
The instructor hinted, "Like a hand grenade, remember?"
In a
burst of confidence she pulled the pin -- and hurled the

extinguisher at the blaze.
Q. What does CHAOS stand
The Chiefs Have Arrived On Scene.
During a big fire downtown the firemen
were having a bit of
trouble. A woman was stuck on the fourth floor
with her baby. The fire
fighters instructed her to toss the child out
the window, under which they
had placed a net, but the mother
refused. Things looked grim until a
tall, well-built black man burst
through the crowd and shouted to the
women. He said that he was a
professional football player and that he
could catch the baby safely.
After a few minutes more of reassurances by
the man, the mother
finally let the child drop.
The football player made a breathtaking
catch, and everybody cheered.
At that moment the man suddenly raised
the child high in the air, spiked
it on the ground and yelled,
A fire broke out in a six story apartment

building last week in a near by town. A blonde, a redhead, and a

brunette escaped the flames by climbing up onto the roof.
When the
fire department arrived they got out a blanket held it up and
Chief called out to the brunette to jump into the blanket.
brunette jumped. As she was falling 'swoosh' the firefighters
the blanket away and she landed on the street like a brick.
firefighters then held the blanket back up and the Chief told the
to jump.
"No way! I saw what you did to my friend." exclaimed the
"I am sorry" said the Chief, "My wife was a brunette and she

divorced me. I just don't like brunettes. We have no problems with

redheads....jump it's your only chance."
So the redhead jumped.
On the way down 'swoosh' the firefighters
pulled the blanket away
and she hit the pavement like a tomato!"
The firefighters a
gain held up the blanket and the Chief told the
blonde to jump.
The fire was getting worse and her only chance of survival
was to
"No I am not jumping. I saw what you did to my two
"I'm sorry" said the Chief, "I explained what happened to the

brunette and when the redhead jumped we were a little distracted. It will

not happen again, just jump!"
The blonde thought for a moment. "OK
I'll jump - but first I want you
to lay the blanket on the ground,
back away, and then I'll jump into
Two fellows were sitting in a coffee
the Town's Fire Alarm went off ... one jumped up and
headed for the
door ... his friend shouted, "Hey, Tom, I didn't know
you were a
Tom replied, "I'm not, but my
girlfriend's husband is..."
Q: What is
the first thing off the
truck at a trailer fire?

A: Lawn chair.
A fire started on some grassland near a

farm in Indiana. The fire department from the nearby town was called
put the fire out.

The fire proved to be more than the
small town fire department could
handle, so someone suggested that a
rural volunteer fire department be
called. Though there was doubt
that they would be of any assistance, the
call was made.

volunteer fire department arrived in a dilapidated old fire truck.

They drove straight towards the fire and stopped in the middle of the

flames. The volunteer firemen jumped off the truck and frantically

started spraying water in all directions. Soon they had snuffed out
center of the fire, breaking the blaze into two easily
controllable parts.

The farmer was so impressed with the volunteer fire
department's work
and so grateful that his farm had been spared,
that he presented the
volunteer fire department with a check for
$1000. A local news reporter
asked the volunteer fire captain what
the department planned to do with
the funds.

"That should be
obvious," he responded, "the first thing we're
gonna do is get the
brakes fixed on that stupid fire truck."
What did the fireman's wife get for
Christmas ?
A ladder in her stocking !
What did the fireman say when the church

caught on fire?
"Holy smoke!"
Why do firemen wear red suspenders?
keep their pants up.
What usually comes after the monster

lights the birthday candles?
The fire department.
All of the firefighters at my station are
They're even "fast" asleep!
Q. What kind of ears do pumpers have?

A. Engineers.
Q. How do you get down from an aerial

A. You don't get down from an aerial ladder. You get down
from a
Q.How do you put out a

A.Take away the HEAT , FUEL , OXYGEN , or the CHIEF!
Q.How can you tell when a Chicago Fireman
is dead?
A. The remote control slips from his hand.