Q: Why did the eskimo wash his clothes in Tide?
A: Because it was too cold outside.
A French guy, an American guy and a Cuban guy
are standing on a cliff. The French guy throws a case of fine wine
the cliff. ''Why did you do that?''asked the other men.
plenty of fine wine in France,'' said the man. Next, the
throws a box of fine cigars off the cliff. ''Why did
you do that?''
asked the other men. ''We have plenty of cigars in
Cuba,'' said the
Cuban man. Finally, the American man pickes up
the Cuban man and
throw' him off the cliff. ''What did you do
that for?'' asked the French
man. ''We have plenty of Cubans in
America,'' answered the American
Q: How do you get a German out of the bath?
A: Turn on the water.
What's the highest position in the
A: Rear Admiral!
The Englishman's, Irishman's and Scotsman's
wives go shopping one day to a big department store. While they are
there a fire breaks out. Everyone in the store is killed, including
three women. Their husbands are summoned to the local police
a policewoman breaks the news to them: "I'm afraid
sirs, that we
believe your wives were killed in the fire at the
department store. However
the fire was so intense we cannot identify the
bodies. Only their
handbags survived the blaze. Can you identify
your wives' handbags from
these three found in the store?"
The three men all look at the handbags and each one is able to identify
one of the handbags as belonging to his wife. With all handbags
accounted for the policewoman leaves the men to deal with their grief
peace. The three men sit in silence for a while, then the
his wife's handbag and rummages through the conte
nts, finally pulling
out a half-empty packet of cigarettes and
says "All these years married
and I never knew the old girl smoked."
The Scotsman looks into his wife's handbag and pulls out a
bottle of scotch. "Jings, I knew her all that time an ah
didnae ken ma
The Irishman empties his wife's
handbag onto the floor, looks through
the contents and picks up a
half empty packet of condoms. "'Saints
preserve us! All dese years
an oi never knew me wife was a man."
What would you call an Arab who owns a
harem of cows?
A: A milk sheik!
One night, God spoke to a preacher to tell him
wanted him to do.
After God had briefed him on his
mission, the minister decided to ask
him a question.
he said, "What is heaven like?"
God replied, "Well, normally I
don't tell people this, but since you
are my servant, I guess I
can tell you. Heaven will be like a city. It
will have the best of
everything. For example, the French will be the
chefs; the Italians
will be the lovers; the English will be the
policeman; the Germans
will be the mechanics; and the Dutch will be the
The man looked pleased. "What is hell like?" he
"Well," he said with a sigh, "the French will be the mechanics; the
Italians will be the politicians; the English will be the chefs; the
Germans will be the policemen; and the Dutch will be the lovers."
Q: Where is the world's
An insect falls into a mug of beer.
English Man: Throws his mug of bear on the floor and walks out.
American Man: Takes out the insect and drinks tbe beer.
Man: Eats the insect and throws the beer.
Indian Man: Sells the
insect to the Chinese and the beer to the
Englishman and buys
himself a new mug of beer.
Pakistani Man: Accuses the Indian of
throwing the insect into his mug,
relates the issue to Kashmir, asks
the Chinese for military aid and
takes a loan to buy another mug of
Q: Where does an Irish person go on a vacation?
A: A new bar
Q: Two men drive into a car wash. Which one
is the Irishman?
A: The one on the motorbike.
Q: What do you call Italian women
A: Gorillas In The Mist!
Q: Why did the Italian boy want to grow
A: So he could look like his mama.
Q: What does K-mart stand for?
Mexicans Are Rich Too
Q: Did you know they are taking out all the
K-Marts in Afghanistan?
A: They are putting in TARGETS!!!
small Latino man walks into a bar,
sits, and orders a beer. A big man
comes in, taps him on his shoulder,
and says, "You're sitting in my
The same Spanish
man ignores him and orders another beer. The man again
taps him on
his shoulder, and tells him he's sitting in his seat.
Spanish man gets up, leans over the seat, and says. "I don't
your name on it."
He sits down again and orders still another
beer. "The man says...I
The small Latino man
says, "I know JUDO! JU DON'T KNOW IF I HAVE A
GUN! JU DON'T KNOW IF
I HAVE A KNIFE!"
three men working at the top of
a building. One was Chinese, one was
Mexican, and the other one was
Polish. At lunch they went to the edge and
the top of the building
the Mexican guy pulled out a taco and he said
if I get another taco
I am gonna jump off this bulding tomorrow. The
Chinese guy pulled
out fried rice and said if I get fried rice tomorrow
I'm gonna jump
off with you. The Polish guy pulled out a ham sanwich and
said if I
get another ham sandwich I'm gonna jump tomorrow with you
too. The next day the Mexican guy got a taco so he jumped off. The
Chinese guy got fried rice so he jumped off. The Polish guy got a ham
sandwich so hey jumped off the building. The next day their wives had a
triple funeral and the Mexican guy's wife was crying and she said
could have made him a burrito or something. The Chinese guy's
cring and said I could have made him some sushi. Th
e Polish guy's wife
couldn't stop laughing. The other's asked
what was so funny? She
stopped for a second and said that he had
always made his own lunch.
Q: What's the slowest thing in the
A: A Mexican funeral with only two sets of jumper cables.
A White man explaining to a Mexican man says
that there are three
words the Mexican needs to know in order to be
all right in the city: The
White man says these words are: green,
pink, and yellow. Then the White
man says ''Now tell me a sentence
using all three words.'' The
Mexican says ''I hear de telephona
ah greena greena, I pink up de phona
and say ah yellow?"
Canada, in view of recent events, will be
changing the maple leaf on the flag to a marijuana plant.
way, the people of Quebec will have good reason to burn the