How many physiotherapists
take to change a light bulb?
None. They just give the dead bulb some
exercises to do and hope it
will be working a bit better the next
time they see it.
At a medical
convention, a male
doctor and a female doctor start eyeing each other. The male
asks her to dinner and she accepts. As they sit down at the
restaurant, she excuses herself to go and wash her hands.
one thing leads to another and they end up in her hotel
Just as things get hot, the female doctor interrupts and says
to go and wash her hands. Once she comes back they go for it.
the sex session, she gets up and says she is going to wash her
As she comes back the male doctor says, "I bet you are a
She confirms and asks how he knew.
"Easy, you're always
washing your hands."
She then says, "I bet you're an
Male doctor: "Wow, how did you guess?"
Female doctor: "I
didn't feel a thing."
What is a double-blind study?
orthopaedists reading an electrocardiogram.
What's the difference between a
general practitioner and a specialist?
One treats what you have, the
other thinks you have what he
A man needing a
is told by his doctor that the only heart available is
that of a
sheep. The man finally agrees and the doctor transplants the
heart into the man. A few days after the operation, the man comes in
for a checkup. The doctor asks him "How are you feeling?" The man
replies "Not BAAAAD!"
Patient: I always see spots before my
Doctor: Didn't the new glasses help?
Patient: Sure, now I
see the spots much clearer.
A man goes to the eye doctor. The
receptionist asks him why he is there. The man complains, "I keep
in front of my eyes."
The receptionist asks, "Have you
ever seen a doctor?" and the man
replies, "No, just spots."
An old fellow came
hospital truly on death's door due to an infected gallbladder.
surgeon who removed the gallbladder was adamant that his patients
and walking in the hall the day after surgery, to help prevent
blood clots forming in the leg veins. The nurses walked the patient in the
hall as ordered, and after the third day the nurse told how he
complained bitterly each time they did. The surgeon told them to keep
After a week, the patient was ready to go. His
family came to pick him
up and thanked the surgeon profusely for
what he had done for their
father. The surgeon was pleased and
appreciated the thanks, but told them
that it was really a simple
operation and we had been lucky to get him
in time. "But doctor, you don't
understand," they said, "Dad
hasn't walked in over a year!"
"The doctor said he would have me on
my feet in two weeks."
"And did he?"
"Yes, I had to sell the
car to pay the bill."
How many doctors does it take to
change a light bulb?
Only one, but he has to have a nurse to tell him
which end to screw
How many triage nurses does it take
change a light bulb?
One, but the bulb will have to spend four
hours in the waiting
How many nurses does it take to
change a light bulb?
None, they just have a nursing assistant do
As much as the doctor orders.
Did you hear about the nurse who died
straight to hell?
It took her two weeks to realize that
she wasn't at work
Why did the nurse always insist on
using the rectal thermometer to obtain temperatures?
nurses are taught in nursing school to always look for her
The nurse who can smile when
things go wrong is probably going off duty.
A doctor is going round the ward with
a nurse and they
come to the first bed where the chap is laying
"Did you give this man two tablets every eight hours?" asks
"Oh, no," replies the nurse, "I gave him eight
tablets every two
At the next bed the next patient also
appears half dead.
"Nurse, did you give this man one tablet every
"Oops, I gave him twelve tablets every one hour,"
replies the nurse.
Unfortunately at the next bed the patient is well
and truly deceased,
not an ounce of life. "Nurse," asks the doctor,
"did you prick his
"OH MY GOODNESS!" replies the
A nurse was
showing some student
nurses through the hospital. "This will be the most
section in the hospital for you. The men on this floor are
What's the difference
nurse and a nun? A nun only serves one God.
Interns think of God, residents pray
to God, doctors talk to God, nurses ARE God.
Three nurses went to heaven, and were
awaiting their turn with St. Peter to plead their case to enter the
The first nurse said, "I worked in an
emergency room. We tried our
best to help patients, even though
occasionally we did lose one. I think I
deserve to go to heaven." St. Peter
looks at her file and admits her
The second nurse
says, "I worked in an operating room. It's a very
environment and we do our best. Sometimes the patients are
too sick and
we lose them, but overall we try very hard." St. Peter
looks at her
file and admits her to heaven.
The third nurse says, "I was a
case manager for an HMO."
St. Peter looks at her file. He pulls
out a calculator and starts
punching away at it furiously, constantly
going back to the nurse's file.
After a few minutes St. Peter
looks up, smiles, and says,
"Congratulations! You've been admi
tted to heaven ... for five days!"
Harry was in the
hospital. He was an old man. From time to time the
young nurse came in
and said in a patronising tone, "And how are we doing
Well, this is a story of revenge. Harry had received
pulled the juice off the tray, and put it on his stand. He
had been given
a urine bottle to fill. The juice was apple juice. You
know where the
The nurse came in, picked up the
urine bottle and said, "It seems we
are a little cloudy today..."
At this, Harry snatched the bottle out of
her hand, drinked its
contents, saying, "Well, I'll run it through
again, maybe I can filter
it better this time."