Doctor, Doctor I'm a burglar
Have you taken anything for it ?
Doctor Doctor I feel like a
Take one of these every 4 laps !
Doctor, Doctor will this
clear up my spots ?
I never make rash promises !
Doctor how can I cure my sleep
Sprinkle tin-tacks on your bedroom floor !
Doctor, Doctor you've
taken out
my tonsils, my adenoids, my gall bladder, my varicose veins
and my
appendix, but I still don't feel well.
That's quite enough out of
you !
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm
When did this start ?
Well first I created the sun, then the
Fireman rescued a
man who was
badly injured in a car accident. The entire left half of his
body was
torn off. He was taken to the hospital and examined. The
said he was all right. The nurses said there wasn't much
How many nurses does
it take to
screw in a light bulb?
None - They just have a nursing assistant do
How can you tell who is the head
of a facility? She's the one with dirty knees.
1) Why did the nurse keep the bedpan
in the
Because when she kept it in the freezer it
took too much skin off.
The ninety-year-old man was in for

his checkup when the nurse practitioner learned he was about to marry
eighteen year old girl. "Now, Mr. Jenkins," the nurse
warned, "you should know that when a man your age marries an

eighteen-year-old girl, somebody could get hurt." The old man
shrugged, "If she
dies, she dies."
A coffin was being moved
when it
fell off a wagon, and started down the hill. One of the
started chasing it. As it rolled past the hospital, the mortician

yelled to one of the nurse practitioners walking by, "Doc, quick, give
something to stop this coffin."
Camp Doctor: Your cough sounds better
Camper: It should, I practised all night!
Jack went to see the camp nurse. 'I

fell last night,' he said. 'And I was unconscious for eight
The nurse was shocked. 'How awful. What happened?'
'I fell
Nurse: Would you like an appointment
for next week?
Patient: No, I'm sick now.
There were ten zebras in the zoo. All
but nine escaped. How many were
left? Nine!
Doctor, Doctor, I keep dreaming of
bats, creepy-crawlies, demons,
ghosts, monsters, vampires, werewolves
and yetis.
Doctor: How interesting. Do you always dream in
A man who was very
upset walked
in to see his doctor. "Doctor, you've got to help me!"
he wailed.
"What seems to be the trouble?" asked the doctor. "I keep
having the
same dream, night after night. There's this door with a
sign on
it, and I push and push the door but I can't get it open."
does the sign say?" asked the Doctor. "Pull," said the
"What do you do?" a young man asked

the beautiful girl he was dancing with. "I'm a nurse." "I wish I

could be ill and let you nurse me," he whispered in her ear. "That

would be miraculous. I work on the maternity ward."
"Why are you so
excited?", the
surgeon asked the patient that was about to be
doc, this is my first operation."
"Really? It's mine too, and I am
not excited at all."