A man appears before a judge one day, asking

for a divorce.
The judge quietly reviews some papers and then
"Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce."

the man says,"I live in a two-story house."

The Judge replies,
"What kind of a reason is that?
What is the big deal about a
two-story house?"

The man answers, "Well Judge, one story is 'I have a
and the other story is 'It's that time of the
A middle-aged
Jewish guy is out to dinner
with his wife to celebrate her fortieth
He says, "So
what would you like, Julie? A Jaguar? A sable coat? A
She says, "Bernie, I want a divorce." He says, "I wasn't
on spending that much."
With the divorce rate so high in America, a
new organization has been
formed called "Marriage Anonymous." Whenever
a guy feels like getting
married, they send over a woman with
crulers in her hair, cream on her
face and wearing a torn housecoat to nag
him out of it.
Speaking of divorce (I was), this woman
petitions the
court for a
divorce on the grounds that her husband
"beats her." The Judge,
wanting every detail asked how often it was he
beat the woman.

"Every damn time your Honor," she sighed, "Every
damn time
I have this friend who has a real dilemma. His
won't give him a
divorce until she figures out a way of
doing it without making him a
happy man.
The divorce court was attentive as the wealthy

Yuppette complained to
the Judge that her husband had left her
bed and board.

When she had finished, the husband's lawyer rose
to his feet and
coolly replied, "Your Honor, I have a slight
correction in the typing
of the charging documents. My client claims that
he left her bed
A friend
of mine just got divorced. He and
his ex-wife split the
house. He got the outside.
Staring down from the bench to announce the

terms of the
divorce decree, the judge turned to the husband and
"I'm going to award her alimony in the amount of $250 a month."

To which the woman's about-to-be ex replied: "That's
kind of you, judge. I'll try to help her all I can, too."
Regardless of what you may hear, there's still
many women
these days
who are excellent "housekeepers". Seems
each time they get a divorce,
they keep the house.
men are talking. The first sez, "I got
married because I was tired
of eating out, cleaning the house, doing
the laundry and wearing
shabby clothes."

"Amazing," said the
second, "I just got divorced for the very same
A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her

pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your

She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the
middle of
the property with a stream running by."

"No," he
said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

"It is made
of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.

"I mean," he
continued, "What are your relations like?"

"I have an aunt and
uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's

He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"

"No," she replied, "We
have a two-car carport and have never really
needed one."

"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your

"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't
like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."

"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"

she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you
want a

"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied.
"I've never wanted a
divorce. My husband does. He said he can't
communicate with me!"