#21
What did the little kid do with the
dead
battery?
He buried it.
#22
What is the last thing you eat before

you die?
You bite the dust.
#23
I've been e-mailing William
Shakespeare.
William Shakespeare's dead, silly.
No wonder he hasn't
replied.
#24
Vampire 1: "I once went so long without
fresh blood that I
nearly died."
Vampire 2: "How awful!"

Vampire 1: "Yes. Fortunately, I found some in the neck of
time."
#25
If a woman is born in Italy, grows up
in
England, goes to America and dies in Baltimore, what is
she?
Dead.
#26
A monster and a zombie went into a

funeral home. 'I'd like to order a coffin for a friend of mine who
has
just died,' said the monster.
'Certainly ma'am,' said the
undertaker, 'but there was really no
need to bring her with
you.'
#27
My brother's a professional boxer.
Heavyweight ?
No, featherweight. He tickles his opponents to death !
#28
How do you make a Venetian
blind?
Poke him in the eye
#29
What kind of ghosts haunt operating
theatres?
Surgical spirits.
#30
Doctor, doctor, I'm at death's door!

Don't worry, Mrs Jenkins. An operation will soon pull you

through.
#31
"Why are you crying Fred?" asked the

teacher. "
'Cos my parrot died last night. I washed it in Wisk. .
."
"Fred," said the teacher. "You must have known that Wisk's bad
for
parrots."
"Oh it wasn't the Wisk that killed it, sir. It
was the tumble
drier."
#32
A man
is calling on his best friend
to pay a condolence call the day after the
friend's wife has died.


When he knocks on the door, he gets no answer, so he decides to
go in
and see if everything is all right. Upon entering the house,
the man
discovers his friend in the living room kissing a
mate.

"Jack", says the man, "Your wife just died yesterday!!" His friend

looks up and says, "In this grief, do you think I know what I'm

doing?"
#33
At the inquest
into her husband's
death by food poisoning Mrs Wally was asked by the
coroner if she
could remember her husband's last words.
"Yes," she replied. "He
said 'I don't know how that shop can make
a profit from selling
this salmon at only 20 cents a tin..."
#34
A chemist, a shopkeeper and a teacher
were
sentenced to death by firing squad. The chemist was taken from
his cell
and as the soldiers took aim he shouted "Avalanche!" The
soldiers
panicked and in the confusion the chemist escaped. The
shopkeeper was led
out next. As the soldiers took aim he shouted
"Flood!" and escaped. The
teacher was then lead out. The squad took aim
and the teacher,
remenbering how the other two had escaped, shouted
"Fire!"
#35
The man who
was about to die said
to the Sheriff,
"Say, do I really have to die swinging from a tree?"

"Course not," replied the Sheriff.
"We just put the rope round
your neck and kick the horse away. After
that it's up to you."
#36
Did you hear someone has invented a

coffin that just covers the head?
It's for people like you who're
dead from the neck up!
#37
A monster and a zombie went
into
the undertaker's. "I'd like to order a coffin for a friend of
mine
who has just died," said the monster. "Certainly, sir," said the

undertaker, "but there was really no need to bring him with you."
#38
I was so sorry
to hear you buried
your mother last week.
Well, we had to, you know, she was dead.
#39
Why do you want to be buried at sea?

Because my wife says she wants to dance on my grave.
#40
Did you
hear about the undertaker
who buried someone in the wrong place and was
sacked for the grave
mistake?