#61
Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to
prison. During his stay, he
got along well with the guards and all his
fellow inmates. The warden saw
that deep down, Andy was a good
person and made arrangements for Andy
to learn a trade while doing his
time. After three years, Andy was
recognized as one of the best
carpenters in the local area. Often he would
be given a weekend pass
to do odd jobs for the citizens of the
community.... and he always
reported back to prison before Sunday night was
over.

The
warden was thinking of remodeling his kitchen and in fact had done

much of the work himself. But he lacked the skills to build a set of

kitchen cupboards and a large counter top, which he had promised his

wife. So he called Andy into his office and asked him to complete the
job
for him.

But, alas, Andy refused. He told the warden,
Gosh, I'd really like to
help you but counter fitting is what go
t me into prison in the first
place.
#62
It was
Rocky's first night in the
penitentiary. All of the inmates were in
their cells and he was trying to
become a bit more comfortable with his
meager surroundings. As he
leaned against the bars at the front of his
cell, Rocky heard a voice
call out "44" and the whole cell block
erupted
into laughter!
Another voice called "16" and again there was
laughter. A
third
voice called "62" which was followed by laughter throughout the

block.

Rocky didn't know what was going on so he rapped on his cell
wall.

"Yeah, whaddaya want?" came the gruff reply from next
door.

"What's going on, here?" asked Rocky.

"Well," said the
other inmate, "down in the prison library there's
only one
joke
book. We've all read the book so many times that we don't waste

time
telling the joke, we just call out it's number."

So the
next day Rocky went down to the library and, sure enough, found
r
the
yellowed, dog-eared joke book and read it from cover to
cover. That
night,
wanting to be part of the group, Rocky
confidently called out "44"
and
everyone laughed! He tried calling "16"
and "62" and again there
were peals
of laughter. Then he called
57, and the halls rang with laughter.

After several minutes, one
prisoner was still rolling on the floor
laughing.
More minutes -
still laughing. Rocky rapped on the cell wall. "Yeah,
waddaya want?"
asked the other inmate.

"I don't understand it," asked Rocky,
"Why is Bill still
laughing?"

"Well," said the gruff inmate,
"He never heard that one
before!"
#63
A computer geek goes to prison
for fraud,
they put him in a cell with a 300LB guy,

Having heard what
happens to geeks in prison and being nervous he
figures he had better
introduce himself, He extends his hand and says with a
quivering
voice, Hi my name is John Smith.

The big guy who actually is a nice
guy extends his and says my name is
Turner Brown.

The geek
passes out.

The big guy fans him and brings him too.

Why
did you pass out he asked?

The geek replies, what did you say
your name was?

Turner Brown he replies.

Oh God the geek
says I thought you said "TURN AROUND".
#64
A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to

steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store. "Listen," said the

shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you
say I
just buy the watch, and we forget about this?"

The
manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the

slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend. Can

you show me something less expensive?"
#65
Why do they put a suicide watch on death row
prisoners? Why
would you care if a man you're planning to kill
anyway, kills himself?
Does it spoil the fun?

I also think
about the death row prisoner in Texas who, on the day
before his
execution, managed to take a drug overdose. They rushed him to a

hospital, saved his life, then brought him back to prison and killed

him.

Apparently, just to anger him.
#66
A prisoner at
the Edmonton Max started
training a large fly to do tricks.

For years, for thousands of
hours, he worked with the insect. It
learned to walk across a miniature
high wire, ride a tiny one-wheel bike,
balance on a pair of stilts
and sing songs from PHANTOM OF THE OPERA.

"When you and I get
out of here," the jailbird said to the fly.
"we're going to tour
the nightspots and make a fortune."

Finally the day arrived. Fly
safely tucked away in his pocket, (inside
its matchbox home), the
ex-con made his way to a bar to celebrate.

At the bar, he
brought out his trick fly. On cue, it started
moonwalking. "What about
this fly, eh?" he said to the bartender.

In one swift motion, the
bartender reached for his copy of the
newspaper THE EDMONTON SUN,
rolled it up and squished the fly with a mighty
swipe.

"Glad
you saw it," muttered the bartender. "Blasted things are
eve
rywhere."
#67
Two men,
sentenced to die in the electric
chair on the same day were led down to
the room in which they would
meet their maker. The priest had given the
last rites, the formal
speech had been given by the warden, and a final
prayer had been
said among the participants. The Warden, turning to the
first man,
solemnly asked, "Son, do you have a last request?" To
which the man
replied, "Yes sir, I do. I love dance music. Could you
please play
The Macarena for me one last time?"

"Certainly," replied the
warden. He turned to the other man and
asked, "Well, what about you,
son? What is your final request?"

"Please," said the condemned
man, "kill me first."
#68
A murderer, sitting in the electric chair, was
about to be
executed.

"Have you any last requests? asked the
chaplain.

"Yes," replied the murderer. "Will you hold my
hand?"
#69
Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to

prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his
fellow
inmates. The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good
person and made
arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his
time. After
three years, Andy was recognized as one of the best
carpenters in the local
area. Often he would be given a weekend pass to
do odd jobs for the
citizens of the community.... and he always
reported back to prison before
Sunday night was over.

The
warden was thinking of remodeling his kitchen and in fact had done
much
of the work himself. But he lacked the skills to build a set of

kitchen cupboards and a large counter top which he had promised his wife.

So he called Andy into his office and asked him to complete the job
for
him.

But, alas, Andy refused. He told the warden, "Gosh,
I'd really like
to help you but counter fitting is what got
me into prison in the first
place".