#141
I overheard a woman in a
computer store
say to the sales assistant "I want a game capable of holding
the
interest of my six-year-old, but it's got to be simple enough for
his
father to play, too."
#142
Yeltsin, Clinton and Bill Gates were invited

to have dinner with God. During dinner he told them: I need three

important people to send my message out to all the people: "Tomorrow
I will
destroy the earth."

Yeltsin immediately called
together his cabinet and told them: "I have
two really bad news items for
you:
1) God really exists and
2) Tomorrow He will destroy the
earth."

Clinton called an emergency meeting of the Senate and
Congress and told
them: "I have good news and bad news:
1) The GOOD
news is that God really does exist
2) The BAD news is, tomorrow He is
going to destroy the earth."

Bill Gates went back to Microsoft
and very happily announced: "I have
two fantastic
announcements:
1) I am one of the three most important people on earth
2) The Year
2000 problem is solved."
#143
Q: How many programmers does it take to

screw in a light bulb?

A: None, that's a hardware problem.
#144
You
have just received the "Kentucky
Virus"!!!

As we ain't got no programin' experience, this here Virus
works on
the honor system.

Please delete all the files on
your hard drive, and manually forward
this virus to everyone on your
mailing list.

Thanks for your cooperation.
#145
Q: How many Microsoft support
staff does
it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four. One to ask "What is the
registration number of the light
bulb?", one to ask "Have you tried
rebooting it?", another to ask "Have
you tried reinstalling it?" and
the last one to say "It must be your
hardware because the light bulb
in our office works fine..."
#146
Q:
How many Microsoft executives does it
take to change a light bulb?
A: We can see no need for uninstallation
and have therefore made no
provision for light bulbs to be
removed.
#147
Q: How many Bill Gateses does it take to

change a light bulb?
A: One. He puts the bulb in and lets the world
revolve around him.
#148
A programmer was walking along the beach when
he found a lamp.
Upon rubbing the lamp a genie appeared who stated
"I am the most
powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any
wish you want, but only one
wish."

The programmer pulled out a
map of the Mediterranean area and said
"I'd like there to be a
just and last peace among the people in the
middle east."

The
genie responded, "Gee, I don't know. Those people have been

fighting since the beginning of time. I can do just about anything, but this

is beyond my limits."

The programmer then said, "Well, I am a
programmer and my programs
have a lot of users. Please make all the
users satisfied with my programs,
and let them ask sensible
changes"

Genie: "Uh, let me see that map again."
#149
Dear Boss,
I hope I haven't misunderstood
your instructions. Because to be
honest, boss, none of this Y to K
dates problem makes any sense to me.

At any rate I have finished
converting all the months on all the
company calendars so that the
year 2000 is ready to go with the following
improved months:
Januark, Februark, Mak, Julk.

In addition, I have changed the days of
the week, and they are now:
Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak,
Thursdak, Fridak and Saturdak.

Is it enough, or should I change any
other Y to K? I am a fan of the
New York Yankees. Should I call
them New Kork Kankees in order to be Y2K
ready?
#150
There was once a
young man who, in his
youth, professed his desire to become a great
writer.

When
asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that
the whole
world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly

emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and

anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
#151
There was once a young man who,
in his
youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to
define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that
the whole world
will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly
emotional
level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and

anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
#152
If Bill Gates had a dime for every time a

Windows box crashed...
Oh, wait a minute, he already does.
#153
What's the difference between Windows 95 and a
virus?
A virus does something.
#154
What do computers eat when they get hungry?

Chips.
#155
Redmond,
WA --Microsoft announced today
that the official release date for the
new operating system "Windows
2000" will be delayed until the second
quarter of 1901.
#156
This customer comes into
the computer
store. "I'm looking for a mystery Adventure Game with
lots of graphics.
You know, something really challenging."

"Well," replied the
clerk, "Have you tried Windows 98?"
#157
A ragged individual stranded for several months

on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean one day

noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it.
Rushing to
the bottle, he pulled out the cork and with shaking hands
withdrew the
message.

"Due to lack of maintenance," he read,
"we regretfully have found it
necessary to cancel your e-mail
account."
#158
What's the difference

between Windows 95 and a virus?
A virus does something.