What's the difference between an American
student and
an English student ?
About 3000 miles !
On what kind of ships do students
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his
class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative
forms a
positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double
negative is
still a negative. However, there is no language wherein
a double positive
can form a negative." A voice from the back of
the room piped up,
"Yeah, right."
All the fraternity brothers left the
for a long weekend except for Grady, who decided to stay behind and

get some studying done.

One night Grady heard a noise under
his bed.

Fearing it might be a burglar, he leaned over and
whispered, "Anybody

"No," said the burglar.

"That's funny," the boy said to himself. "I could have sworn I
heard a
Tad answered the Tennessee State frat house


"Hi," said the voice, "this is Rollie. Come on over,
we're having a
real wildass party."

"Shit, Ah'd shore love
to," said Tad, "but Ah got me a bad case of

"Bring it along!" answered Rollie. "The way thangs is goin', mah

buddies'll drink anythin'!"
Soderling, the star college halfback, was

taking a math exam.

The coach desperately needed him to play in
the Syracuse game on
Saturday, so the professor agreed to give him
an oral exam.

"All right," said the prof. "How many degrees are
there in a

"Uh, depends," said the boy. "How big
is that there circle?"
Mississippi professor was at a party and
became indignant when asked if
college professors were

"Professors haven't got bad memories," he declared.
"They're not
absent-minded. Don't you think I know where I am right now,
and don't
you think tomorrow I'll know where I was last night?
Would somebody
like to ask me another question?"

"Yes," said
another guest. "Is it true that professors are
absent-minded and
have bad memories?"

"Good!" said the professor. "I knew sooner or
later somebody would
ask me that question."
Mrs. McKenzie was showing Corbett, the
through the second floor of her new house to show him what
colors to paint
the rooms. "I'd like the bathroom done in white!"

Corbett walked over to the window and shouted, "Green up! Green

"I want the bedroom in blue!" continued the woman.

The contractor listened and yelled out the window, "Green up! Green


"The halls should be done in beige!" she instructed.
Again, the man
barked out the window, "Green up! Green up!"

"Will you stop that?!" shouted the woman. "Every time I give you a

color, all you do is shout 'Green up!' What the devil does that


'Tm real sorry, ma'am!" explained Corbett. "But I got three

Oklahoma basketball players down there tryin' to put in the front
Biddle and Payne, two elderly English
professors, were
having lunch in the cafeteria.

During the course
of the conversation, Biddle said,

"A student gave me a peculiar
answer in class today. I asked who wrote
the Merchant of Venice and
a sophomore said, "Please, sir, it wasn't

"Ha, ha!"
laughed Payne. "And I suppose the little snot had done it
A survey was being taken on the University of

Arizona campus.

The survey taker asked a soccer player,
"What do you think of

"Oh, I think it's okay,"
said the boy, "if it's between consenting
Arvil was coming out of the Texas University
student building when he
was stopped by two coeds.

you like to become a Jehovah's Witness?" asked one of the

"No, I really couldn't. I didn't see the accident."
Professor: I forgot to take
my umbrella
this morning.

Wife: When did you first miss it, dear?

Professor: When I reached up to close it after the rain had

"Where are my shoes?" asked the Iowa State
professor as the class ended.

"They're on your feet," said one of
the students.

"So they are," said the professor. "It's a good
thing you saw them,
or I would have gone home without them!"
What is the second stupidest thing in the

An Arkansas architectural student out in the middle of the
ocean trying
to build a foundation for a house.

What is the
stupidest thing in the world?

An Arkansas contractor trying to
build a house on the
Higginbote and Goldstein, Fordham freshmen,

were discussing what kind of work would supply mem with big bucks

"Well, I've always thought I'd like to be
a doctor," said
Higginbote. "Specialize in something or other. Like
obstetrics, maybe."

"Obstetrics?" scoffed Goldstein. "At the
rate science is going,
you'd no sooner learn all about it when
bingo! somebody'd find a cure for
Tipton and Baldwin shared a room on the North
Carolina campus.

One day Tipton came in and said to his
roommate, "I hear there's a
new case of herpes in the dorm."

"Great!" said Baldwin. "I was getting tired of 7-Up!"
Three students from Michigan State, the

University of Kentucky and Texas A & M on summer vacation in France were
smuggling cocaine and sentenced to death by guillotine. The
turned to the boy from Michigan and asked, "Do you have any
final words,

"Yeah, drop dead!" snapped the Wolverine.

Hearing this, the judge signaled for the sentence to be carried
The executioner pulled the lever, and as the crowd gaped in
the giant blade came to a screeching halt three inches
from the
victim's throat.

"It's God's will! Let him go!"
cried the judge.

Next the fella from U. of Kentucky was put on
the block, and the judge
asked again, "And what are your final
remarks, my boy?"

"Go to hell!" shouted the student, and the judge
signaled. The
razor-sharp blade fell and miraculously stopped just
a quarter inch from the
condemned boy's neck. "It's the wi
ll of God!" exclaimed the judge.
"Set him free!"

the Texan was put into position. "Before you're beheaded,"
said the
judge, "do you have any last words?"

"Yeh!" replied the Aggie.
"If y'all will just put a little more
grease on them grooves, the
blade'll come down a whole lot
A wise man doubts everything.

Only a pin-head is positive.

Student: Are you sure of
that, sir?

Professor: Positive.
How can you
tell if a California State
coed is a good cook?
She can get the pop tart out of the toaster in
one piece.
There was the Florida State defensive tackle

who thought Hertz Van Rentals was a famous Dutch painter.