How did Bill and Hillary Clinton first
They were both dating the same girl in high school.
Hillary Clinton goes to
her doctor for a
physical, only to find out
that she's pregnant! She is furious. Here
just became the senator of
New York and this has happened to her.
She gets Bill on the phone and
immediately starts screaming: "How
could you have let this happen?
With all that's going on right now,
you go and get me pregnant! How
could you??!!! I can't believe this!
I just found out I am five weeks
pregnant and it is all your
fault!!! Your fault!!! Well, what have
you got to say???"
nothing but dead silence on the phone. She screams
again, "Did you hear
me??!!" Finally she hears Bill's very, very
quiet voice. In a
barely audible whisper, he says, "Who is
Q: What does Clinton have in common with his
A: They all make a living by lying to people.
Q: Why did Clinton choose Canada as the site
for his summit with Yeltsin?
A: So he could look up some college
buddies who moved up there during
Why did Bill go out to sea on an
A: To promote off-shore drilling.
What's the difference between Bill
Clinton and Jimmy Carter?
A: It took Bill less than 100 days to botch a
Q: Why is
Bill infuriated with Chelsea's
new private school?
A: They broke family tradition by making her
wear a uniform.
Q: What is Clinton's plan to create thousands
of small businesses?
A: Take thousands of big businesses and
wait four years.
Q: What was the real purpose of Bill's
visit to Moscow?
A: To study economics.
What will Bill's favorite retail
outlet be after his economic
blueprint takes effect?
Clinton, returning from a
campaign stop in Arkansas, is climbing the steps to
One. Under each arm he is carrying a souvenir of his trip --
the top of the jetway, he is met by the guard, a
Marine sergeant, who
issues a crisp salute.
"I'd salute you back,
Sergeant," says the President, "but as you
can see, I've got my
"Yes, sir," replies the sergeant. "Very nice pigs,
sir. Very nice
"Why, these aren't pigs," the President
responds. "These are
"Yes, sir -- razorbacks. Sorry,
"Yup," Clinton continues. "Got this one for Chelsea, and this
The sergeant replies: "Very good trade, sir --
very good trade."
In a survey of American
women, when asked,
"Would you sleep
with President Clinton?" 86% replied, "Not
Prosecutor: Mr. Clinton, did you have an
Pres: Improper? ...
Ain't nothing improper about that. That was one of
the the sweetest
interns I've ever had.
Q: What is the difference between Bill Clinton
and Jimmy Carter?
A: Jimmy Carter waited until after the
inauguration to break his
Q: How has Clinton made his
more like America?
A: Many of them have sixth grade reading
Q: Why were there
limousines in the inaugural parade?
A: The first one held the real
president while the second one contained
the president's spouse, Bill
What did Clinton say when accused of copying
his homework from his
girlfriend at Oxford?
I did not have
textual relations with that woman.
Why does Bill Clinton wear
To keep his ankles warm.
Q: Why is Clinton prone to losing his
A: He keeps having to eat his words.
Q: Why does Clinton always have a stupid grin
A: He is stupid!