#1
What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa as they
were looking out their front
window?
"Looks like rein dear"
#2
Why is
Christmas just like a day at the
office ?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all
the
credit.
#3
Why does Santa Claus only have seven

reindeer?
Because Prancer moved in with a hairdresser in Beverly
Hills.
#4
Did you hear that one of Santa's reindeer
now
works for Proctor and Gamble?
Its true....Comet cleans
sinks!
#5
Why is it so cold at Christmas?
It's in
Decembrrrrr.
#6
Who brings the Christmas presents to

police stations?
Santa Clues.
#7
What's the most popular wine at
Christmas?
"I don't like sprouts!"
#8
What do you get if you deep fry Santa

Claus?
Crisp Cringle.
#9
Why was Santa's little helper

depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem.
#10
"Why did your boyfriend return his Christmas

tie?" "He said it was too tight."
#11
It was Christmas
eve, and Santa was
really busy making his list and checking it twice, when
there came a
knock at the door. His wife comes in. "Honey, where do
you want me to
put your boots and gloves?" Well, Santa is very busy and
so he's
slightly annoyed by this trivial question, so he snaps at her,
"Put
them by the front door, and stop bothering me. I'm trying to get

some work done."

He starts back to work, but a few minutes later
an elf barges in.
"Santa, we got all the toys wrapped, what should
we do with them?" Santa
snaps, "Stick 'em in the sleigh! Can't
you see I'm trying to get
ready? I don't want any more
interruptions!"

But sure enough, as soon as he starts back to work, there
is another
interruption. An angel, standing at the door, says,
"Santa, I have your
Christmas tree. Where would you like me to put it?"


And this is where we get the tradition of placing an ange
l on top of
the Christmas tree.
#12
Once upon a time there was a little girl who

wanted a kitten for Christmas. Her mother couldn't buy a kitten
and
parcel it up for Christmas Day, so she bought it a week before
Christmas
and gave it to the little girl.

'You're getting
your Christmas present a week early this year,' her
mother
explained as she handed over the fluffy little tabby kitten.
'Is that what
you want?'

The little girl said, 'It's wonderful,
mother...just what I wanted.
There's just one thing wrong!'


'What's that?' her mother asked.

'Well, it has a cute little claw
on the outside of every paw and
another little claw on the inside
of every paw - but the poor little thing
has no claws at all in the
middle of its paws!'

Her mother smiled. 'Don't worry, Kitty.
When you wake up on Christmas
morning you'll find the claws are
there.'

Now Kitty loved her kitten dearly, but she worrie
d about the claws in
the middle of its paws. The days passed and
there wasn't even a hint, a
clue or an inkling of claws in the
middle of its paws.

When Christmas Eve arrived and there was still
no sign, Kitty went to
her mother and asked again, 'Are you
absolutely sure that the kitten
will have its middle claws tomorrow?
There's only a few hours to go and
there's not a hint or clue or an
inkling as to claws as far as I can
see.'

'Wait till you
wake up on Christmas morning,' her mother smiled and
went on
stuffing the turkey.

So Kitty went to sleep a worried girl. When she
woke up on Christmas
morning she ignored the presents in her
stocking and rushed downstairs to
look at her little kitten.

She
was astounded, amazed and just a little surprised to see that her

kitten had four claws on every paw! The middle ones had appeared as if

by magic.

Kitty rushed to her parent's bedroom. 'Mummy
, Mummy! The kitten has
grown its middle claws!'

'Of
course it has,' her mother grinned.

'But how did you know?'
Kitty demanded.

Her father rolled over sleepily and sighed, 'Oh,
Kitty, everybody
knows that Centre-claws always comes at
Christmas!'
#13
What was so good about he
neurotic doll
the girl was given for Christmas?
It was wound up already.
#14
What was wrong with the boy's
brand new
toy electric train set he
received for Christmas?
Forty feet of
track - all straight!
#15
What is the difference between the Christmas

alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
The Christmas alphabet has
NO EL.
#16
Why was Santa's little helper depressed?

Because he had low elf esteem.
#17
How does Santa Claus take pictures?
With
his North Pole-aroid.
#18
What does Santa say when he is sick?
OH
OH NO!
#19
What is the cow's holiday greeting?

Mooooory Christmas!
#20
Which of Santa's reindeers needs to mind
his
manners the most?
"Rude"olph