Mother: Did you get a good place in the
Fred: Yes, Mum, I sat next to the cleverest kid in
Boy: Grandma, do you know how to
Grandma: No, I don't think so. Why? Boy: Because Daddy says
be a rich man when you do.
were you before you came to school,
boys and girls?" asked the teacher,
hoping that someone would say
"babies." She was disappointed when all
the children cried out,
Why was the mother flea
feeling down in
Because she thought her children were all going to the
Why was the lightning bug unhappy?
her children were not very bright.
Mrs Smith, the biology teacher, was very fond
of fish. She was also
rather deaf, which was great for the children
in her class.
"What Mrs Smith needs," said one of her colleagues,
excited about his first day at
school. So excited in fact, that only a few
minutes after class
started, he realized that he desperately needed to
go to the bathroom.
So, Tyler raised his hand politely to ask if he
could be excused.
Of course, the teacher said yes, but asked Tyler to be quick.
minutes later Tyler returned, looking more desperate and
can't find it," he admitted.
The teacher sat
Tyler down and drew him a little diagram to where he
should go and
asked him if he will be able to find it now. Tyler looked
diagram, said "yes" and goes on his way.
Well, five minutes later he
returned to the class room and says to the
teacher, "I can't find
it." Frustrated, the teacher asked Tommy, a
boy who has been at the
school for a while, to help him find the
Tommy and Tyler go together and five minutes later they both return
and sit down at their seats.
The teacher asks Tommy, "Well,
did you find it?" Tommy is quick with
his reply, "Oh sure, he just
had his boxer shorts on
A little girl was playing in the garden when
spied two spiders mating.
"Daddy, what are those two
spiders doing?" she asked.
"They're mating," her father replied.
"What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked.
"That's a daddy long legs," her father answered.
other one is a mommy long legs?" the little girl asked.
father replied. "Both of them are daddy long legs."
girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped
"Well, we're not having any of THAT in our garden."
Little Johnny came home from school
a note from his teacher saying that Johnny was having trouble
telling the difference between boys and girls, and would his mother please
sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this. So Johnny's mother
takes him quietly by the hand upstairs to her bedroom, and closes
"First, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse",
she said, so
Johnny unbuttons her blouse and takes it off.
"O.K., now take off my skirt", and he takes off her skirt. "Now take
off my bra", which he does.
"And now, Johnny, please take off
my panties". Johnny finishes
removing these too.
then says, "Johnny, please don't wear any of my clothes to
A man is walking down the street one day when
he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house
across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell
high for him to reach. After watching the boy's efforts for
the man moves closer to the boy's position.
steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow
and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder, leans over and
gives the doorbell a solid ring.
Crouching down to the
childs level, the man smiles benevolently and
asks, "And now what, my
The boy replies, "Now we run!"
On a special teacher's day, a kindergarten
teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist's son
her a gift. She shooked it, held it over her head, and said, "I
know what it is - flowers!"
"That's right!" said the
boy, "but how did you know?"
"Just a wild guess," she
The next pupil was the candy store owner's daughter. The teacher
her gift overhead, shooked it, and said, "I bet I can guess what
- a box of candy!"
"That's right! But how did you
know?" asked the girl.
"Just a lucky guess," said the
The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son. The teacher
the bag over her head and noticed that it was leaking. She
drop of the leakage with her finger and tasted it. "Is it
"No," the boy replied.
repeated the process, touching another drop of the leakage
tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," the boy
The teacher then said, "I give up, what is it?"
replied, "A puppy!"
A precious little girl walks
into a pet
shop and asks in the sweetest
little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do
you keep widdle wabbits?"
As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he
gets down on his knees, so that
he's on her level, and asks,
"Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabby
maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?"
She in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees,
leans forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don't fink my pet
weally gives a thit."
A mother was teaching her
Lord's prayer. For several evenings at bedtime she
after her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo. The
listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right
to the end of the prayer. "Lead us not into temptation," she
prayed, "but deliver us some E-mail, Amen."
On the way to
preschool, the doctor had
left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her
little girl picked it
up and began playing with it.
'Be still, my heart,' thought my
friend, 'my daughter wants to
follow in my footsteps!' Then the
child spoke to the instrument: "Welcome
to McDonald's. May I take your
A little boy opened the big and old family
Bible with fascination, he looked at the old pages as he turned them.
something fell out of the Bible and he picked up and looked at
closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in
"Mommy, look what I found," the boy called out.
"What have you got
there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment
in the young boy's
voice he answered: "It's Adam's
A certain little girl, when asked
name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother
her this was wrong, she must say,"I'm Janey Sugarbrown."
Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said,"Aren't you Mr.
With her mother standing just a few feet
away, the little girl replied,
"I thought I was, but Mommy says I'm
A little boy walked down the
aisle at a
wedding. As he made his way to the front, he would take two
then stop, and turn to the crowd, alternating between the bride's
side and the groom's side. While facing the crowd, he would put his
hands up like claws and roar. And so it went-step, step, ROAR, step,
ROAR-all the way down the aisle.
As you can imagine, the
crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by
the time he reached the
The little boy, however, was getting more and more
distressed from all
the laughing, and he was near tears by the time he
reached the pulpit.
When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed back
his tears and
said, "I was being the ring bear."
Why were ancient Egyptian children
Because their daddies were mummies.
A group of young children were siting in a circle with
their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions.
"Davy, what noise does a cow make?"
"It goes moo."
"Alice, what noise does a cat make?"
"It goes meow."
"Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?"
"It goes baaa."
"Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?"
"Errr.., it goes..
A mother was reading a book about animals to
her 3 year old daughter. Mother: "What does the cow say?" Child:
"Moo!" Mother: "Great! What does the cat say?" Child: "Meow." Mother:
"Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?" And this wide-eyed
little 3 year-old looked up at her mother and in her deepest voice