'Why are you crying, Ted ?' asked his
'Because my new sneakers hurt.'
'That's because you have put
them on the wrong feet.'
'But they are the only feet I have.'
Mum: Haven't you finished filling the salt
shaker yet ?
Son: Not yet. It's really hard to get the salt through
all those
little holes !
Young Jimmy was having a snack
school with his Gran. ' Would you like another cookie ?' she

'Yes, please,' replied Jimmy.
'What good manners you have,'
said his Gran. ' I do like to hear
young people say 'please' and
'thank you'.'
'I'll say them both if I can have a big piece of
that cake,' replied
Jimmy !
Will and Bill were quarrelling about whose
father was the
stronger. Will said,' Well, you know the Pacific
Ocean ? My father's
the one who dug the hole for it.'
Bill wasn't
impressed, ' Well, that's nothing. You know the Dead Sea
? My
father's the one who killed it !
Two boys camping out in a backyard wanted to

know the time, so they began singing at the top of their
Eventually one of the neighbours threw open his window and shouted
at them "Hey, less noise!, don't you know it's three o'clock
in the
As two boys
were passing the rectory, the
minister leaned over the wall and showed
them a ball.
"Is this
yours" he asked
"Did it do any damage" asked one of the boys
replied the minister
"Then it's mine !"
'You boy !' called a policeman.' Can you

help ? We're looking for a man with a huge red nose called

'Really ?' said the boy. 'What're his ears called
Did you
hear about the boy who was known
as Fog ?
He was dense and wet !
A little boy
went into a baker's' 'How
much are those cakes ? he asked
'Two for 25 cents,' said the
' How much does one cost ?' asked the boy
'13 cents,'
said the baker
'Then I'll take the other one for 12 cents !' said
the boy
Did you hear about the two little boys who

found themselves in a modern art gallery by mistake ?
said one, 'run ! Before they say we did it !
A man out for a walk
came across a little
boy pulling his cat's tail.
'Hey you!' he shouted, ' don't pull
the cat's tail !'
'I'm not pulling !' replied the little boy.
'I'm only holding on -
the cat's pulling !'
A little boy came downstairs crying
one night. ' What's wrong ?' asked his mother. Do people really

come from dust, like they said in church ? he sobbed. 'In a way they

do,' said his mother. ' And when they die do the turn back to dust
'Yes, they do.' The little boy began to cry again. ' Well,
under my
bed there's someone either coming or going !'
What's the matter son?
The boy next door
said I look just like you?
What did you say?
Nothing he's bigger
than me !
you hear about the boy who wanted to
run away to the circus ?
He ended up in a flea circus !
A little kid is sitting on a park bench
abag of chocolates an old man walking by stops to say that if he

continues to eat like that he won`t live very long; indignantly the
kid says
" oh yeah my grandfather lived to be 104 years old" the
old man
replies "i'm sure he did kid.but it wasn`t from eating all
that chocolate
"oh no sir" says the kid, it was by minding his own
business !
An honest seven-year-old admitted calmly to
her parents that
Billy Brown had kissed her after class.

"How did that happen?, " gasped her mother.

"It wasn't easy,"
admitted the young lady, "but three girls helped
me catch him!"
Vestal was walking in his Florida
backyard when an alligator bit him.

"Mama!" yelled the boy. "A
gator jus' bit off mah foot!"

"Which one?" called his mother
from inside the cabin.

"How the hell should Ah know?!" he
shrieked. "They all look alike to
I had a funny dream last night, Mom.
I dreamed I was awake, but when I woke up I found I was
A naughty child was
irritating all the
passengers on the flight from London to New York. At last
one man
could stand it no longer. "Hey kid," he shouted. "Why don't
you go
outside and play?"
Fred: Where does the new kid come from?

Harry: Alaska.
Fred: Don't bother - I'll ask her myself.