The second grader was in bed with a cold and
high temperature. 'How high is it, Doctor?' she wanted to
'One hundred and three,' said the doctor.
'What is the world
applying for a summer
'How old are you?' asked the owner of the store.
years old, Sir,' answered Mandy.
'And what do you expect to be when
you grow up ?'
'Twenty one, Sir.'
Trevor: That's a cool
pair of stockings
you have on Jill. One red and one green.
Jill: Yes, and I have
another pair just like it at home.
Mum: Jackie, go outside and play with your
whistle. Your father can't
read his paper.
Jackie: Wow, I'm only
eight and I can read it
Mother: What do you mean, the school must be
Daughter: Well, the principal kept going on about the
Mary arrived home from
school covered in
spots. 'Whatever's the matter ?' asked her mother.
know,' replied Mary, 'but the teacher thinks I may have
Mother: I told you not eat cake
Daughter: But, Mum, it's part of my homework. 'If you take
of a cake from a whole cake, how much is left.
On the first day at school the girls were
sizing each other up and boasting, trying to make good impressions on
'I come from a one-parent family,' said one little
'That's nothing. Both my parents remarried after
they got divorced. I
come from a four parent family !'
girl was next in line. 'My
name's Curtain,' she said.
'I hope your first name is not Agnate
'No, it's velvet !'
Two girls were talking in the corridor.
boy over there is getting on my nerves,' said Clarrie.
he's not even looking at you,' replied Clara.
getting on my nerves,' retorted Clarrie.
'Mum, there's a man at the door collecting
for the Old Folk's Home.
Shall I give him Grandma ?'
John kept pestering his parents to buy a
video, but they said
they couldn't afford one. So one day John came
home clutching a
package containing a brand-new video.
the World did you get the money to pay for that ?' asked
'It's OK, Dad,' replied John, 'I've traded the
TV in for
A certain little boy had been spanked
his father one morning. When his dad came in from the office that
evening, the boy called out sulkily, ' Mum ! your husband's just come
'Mum,' yelled Johnny from the kitchen,
'you know that dish you were
always worried that I would break
'Yes dear, what about it ?'
'Well your worries are over.'
George knocked on the door of his friend's
house. When his friend's mother answered he asked, 'can Albert
'No, said the mother, 'it's too
'Well, then,' said George, ' can his football come out to play
Eddie's father called up to him, 'Eddie, if
you don't stop playing
that trumpet I think I'll go
Eddy replied, 'I think you are already, I stopped playing half an hour
'William, I've been told that you have
with the boys next door,' said mum.
'yes, but they're twins, so I
wanted some way to tell the
Mum: How can
you practice your trumpet
and listen to the radio at the same time ?
Son: Easy. I have two
Jane were arguing furiously over
the breakfast table. ' Oh you're so
'Dick!' said their father, 'that's quite enough of that! Now say
'OK,' said Dick. 'Jane, I'm sorry you're
Ben's dad was building a pine bookshelf and
Ben was watching and occasionally helping. ' What are the holes
'They're knot holes,' said his
'What are they, then, if they're not holes ?' asked Ben.