#1
A
schoolteacher was trying to teach her
six-year old class students how
to say the pledge of allegiance to
the flag. The schoolteacher said,
O.K. children begin by putting
your hand over your little heart and repeat
with me, I pledge
allegiance to the HOLD IT! HOLD IT! Johnny, why is
your hand over your butt
cheek instead of your heart? Johnny relied! I
can't. Teacher asks,
why not? Well you see, when my ant comes over to
pick me up and
pats my bottom and says, BLESS YOUR LITTLE HEART!!!!!!
#2
Little
Johnny's class were on an outing
to their local police station where
they saw pictures, of the ten
most wanted men, tacked to a bulletin
board. On the way out of the
police station Little Johnny said to the
officer, "it was so nice of
you to put my daddy's picture up there."
#3
After the baby was baptized,
her
four-year-old brother was crying inconsolably in the back seat of
the car.
"What's the matter Johnny?" asked his concerned mother.
Johnny
replied: "that man said that he hoped our baby would be raised in a

good Christian home...I just want her to stay with you guys."
#4
A whole family was caught in
a small boat
during a sudden storm off the shores of Florida, but towed
to
safety in Fort Lauderdale by the ever alert U.S. Coast Guard.

"I
always knew God would take care of us," said the composed five
year
old daughter of the boat owner after the family got home.

"I like
to hear you say that," beamed the mother. "Always remember
that God
is in His heaven watching over us."

"Oh, I wasn't talking
about THAT God," the five year old
interrupted. "I was talking about
the COAST God."
#5
Son to his father as they watch television:

"Dad, tell me again how when you were a kid you had to walk all the
way
across the room to change the channel."
#6
Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some
grass but you've only
drawn the cow ?
Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all
the grass !
#7
Mum: From now on your going to have free
school dinners.
Son:But, Mum, I don't want three school dinners, one is
more than
enough !
#8
Mother:
Let me see your report
son.
Son: Here it is, Mother, but don't show it to Dad. He's been helping

me !
#9
Father: You've
got 4 D's and a C on
your report.
Son: "Maybe I concentrated too much on the one subject
!"
#10
Father: What did you learn in school today
?
Son: That three and three are seven.
Father: Three and three are
six !
Son: I guess I didn't learn anything today then !
#11
A father is asked by his
friend, "Has
your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?"

"Yes, he
wants to be a garbage collector," he replies

To this his friend
responds, "Strange ambition to have for a career."

"Well, he
thinks that garbage collectors only work on Tuesdays!"
#12
A sweet little boy
surprised his
grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. He
made it himself
and was so proud. He anxiously waited to hear the
verdict on the
quality of the coffee. The grandmother had never in her life
had such
a bad cup of coffee, and as she forced down the last sip she

noticed three of those little green army guys in the bottom of the
cup.
She asked, "Honey, why would three little green army guys be in the

bottom of my cup?"
Her grandson replied, "You know grandma, it's
like on TV, 'The best
part of waking up is soldiers in your cup."
#13
My granddaughter came to spend a few

weeks with me, and I decided to teach her to sew. After I had gone through

a lengthy explanation of how to thread the machine, she stepped
back,
put her hands on her hips, and said in disbelief, "You mean you
can do
all that, but you can't operate my Game Boy?"
#14
Andy was away from school for 2 days because
he
had a flu. On the third day when he went back to school, his
teacher
told him how he felt.
I feel with my hands Miss !
#15
The teacher asked Simon to say his name

backwards.
"No mis" he replied
#16
Why did the nutty kid throw butter out
of
the window?
He wanted to see a butterfly.
#17
Why did the
nutty kid throw a glass of
water out of the window?
He wanted to see a waterfall.
#18
Teacher: "Why do we have a
Thanksgiving
holiday?"
Student: "So we know when to start Christmas shopping!"
#19
Grandma: You've left all your
crusts,
Mary. When I was your age I ate every one.
Mary: Do you still like
crusts, Grandma?
Grandma: Yes, I do.
Mary: Well, you can have
mine.
#20
Jennifer: Are you coming to my party
?
Sandra: No, I ain't.
Jennifer: Now, you know what Miss told us. Not
ain't. It's I am not
coming, he is not coming, she is not coming,
they are not coming.
Sandra: Blimey, ain't nobody coming ?