did the electrician close early on
Because business was very light.
The Americans and the Japanese decided to
engage in a boat
race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach
performance levels. On the big day they felt ready. The
Japanese won by a mile.
The American team was discouraged by the loss.
Morale sagged. Corporate
management decided that the reason for the
crushing defeat had to be
found, so a consulting firm was hired to
investigate the problem and
recommend corrective action.
Japanese team had six people rowing and one person steering and
rowing; the American team had two people rowing and five people steering.
After a year of study and thousands spent analyzing the problem, the
consultant firm concluded that too many people were steering and
enough were rowing on the American team. So as race day neared
following year, the American team's management structure
reorganized. The new structure for the American
s was: one quality
assurance manager, two steering managers, one
area steering managers, and a
new performance review manager for the
two people rowing the boat to
provide work incentive.
year, the Japanese won by TWO miles !!!
Humiliated, the American
corporation laid off the rowers for poor
performance and gave the
managers a bonus for discovering the problem.
worker asked the bartender
"What's the difference between your job and
replied: "I only had to go to bartender school for 6
weeks and I
learned to mix a very good drinks, than wait a couple of hours
have people tell me their innermost thoughts while you went to
for 6 years, paid thousands and thousands of dollars, sit session
after session using technique after technique, and you still may never
INTERVIEWER to job
applicant: "Do you
think you could come up with any reason you want this
job other than
your parents want you out of their house?"
Boss: "I can assure you that the value of the
average employee will continue to increase."
because there will be fewer of us doing more work,
Boss: "Right. Except for the 'us' part."
Boss: "I've decided to use humor in the
office. Experts say humor
eases tension, which is important in times
when the work force is being
Employee: "Who's there?"
Boss: "Not you anymore."
After being laid off from five
jobs in four months, Arnold was hired by a warehouse. One day he
lost control of a forklift and drove it off the loading dock. Surveying
the damage, the owner shook his head and said he'd have to withhold
ten percent of Arnold's wages to pay for the repairs. "How much
cost?" asked Arnold. "About $4,500," said the owner.
"What a relief!" exclaimed Arnold. 'I've finally got job
A businessman who needed millions of dollars
clinch an important deal went to church to pray for the money.
By chance he knelt next to a man who was praying for $100 to pay an
urgent debt. The businessman took out his wallet and pressed $100
other man's hand. Overjoyed, the man got up and left the
businessman then closed his eyes and prayed, "And now,
Lord, that I have
your undivided attention .... "
'I'm very sad to announce this morning,
Miss Jones has decided to retire,' said the principal at
assembly. ' Now we will all stand and sing this morning's
Thank We All Our God.'
An American manufacturer is showing his
machine factory to a potential customer from Albania. At noon, when the
whistle blows, two thousand men and women immediately stop
leave the building.
"Your workers, they're
escaping!" cries the visitor. "You've got
to stop them."
worry, they'll be back," says the American. And indeed, at
one o'clock the whistle blows again, and all the workers return
When the tour is over, the manufacturer turns to
his guest and says,
"Well, now, which of these machines would you
like to order?"
"Forget the machines," says the visitor. "How much
do you want for
Two government economists were returning
home from a field meeting. As with all government travelers, they were
assigned the cheapest seats on the plane so they each were
the center seat on opposite sides of the aisle.
continued their discussion of the knotty problem that had been the
subject of their meeting through takeoff and meal service until finally
one of the passengers in an aisle seat offered to trade places so they
could talk and he could sleep.
After switching seats, one
economist remarked to the other that it was
the first time an
economic discussion ever kept anyone awake.
Kowalski, fresh out of
went to a interview for a good paying job. The
company boss asked
various questions about him and his education, but then
"What is three times seven?"
After he left, he double-checked it on his calculator (he knew he
should have taken it to the interview!) and realized he wouldn't get
About two weeks later, he got a letter that said he
was hired for the
job! He was not one to look a gift horse in the
mouth, but was still
The next day, Kowalski
went in and asked why he got the job, even
though he got such a simple
question wrong. The boss shrugged and said,
"Well, you were the
Mom and Dad are in the iron and
She does the ironing and he does the stealing.
There was once a high-powered businessman who
insisted on taking his three secretaries everywhere with him - a
one for writing longhand, a short one for taking down shorthand,
very small one for adding footnotes.
On the first day his son joined the family
firm, the founder took him on to the roof of the factory building and
'I am going to give you your very first lesson in
business. Stand on
the edge of the roof.'
boy went to stand on the edge of the roof.
'Now,' said his
father, 'when I say, "Jump," I want you to jump
off the roof.'
'But, Dad,' said the boy, 'there's a huge drop!'
you want to succeed in business?'
you trust me, don't you?'
'So do as I
say and jump.'
The boy jumped. He crashed to the ground and lay
there, winded and
bruised. His father went racing down the stairs
and ran up to him.
That was your first lesson in business, son.
Never trust anyone.'
What did the ruthless businessman say to
If at first you don't succeed - you're fired!
happens when business is slow at a
You can hear a cough drop.
Monster: Stick 'em down.
you mean, stick 'em up.
Monster: No wonder I'm not making much
money in this business.
Did you hear about the businessman who is so
has two swimming pools, one of which is always empty?
It's for people who can't swim!
What business is King Kong in?