#1
Why didn't anyone take the school bus to
school?
I wouldn't fit through the door.
#2
Q: What is a bus ?
A: A bus is a vehicle that
runs twice as fast when you are after it as
when you are in it.
#3
Cross-Eyed Monster: When I grow up I want to be a

bus driver.
Witch: Well, I won't stand in your way.
#4
What do you call a man with a double decker bus on
his head
?
The deceased !
#5
What "bus" crossed
the ocean?
Columbus.
#6
What is the difference between a
bus driver
and a cold?
One knows the stops, the other stops the nose.
#7
Which end of a bus is it best to get

off?
It doesn't matter. Both ends stop.
#8
Have you seen the bus website?
Yes - it's just
the ticket!
#9
Janet: What's the
difference between a cake
and a school bus ?
Jill: I don't know.
Janet: I'm glad I didn't
send you to pick up my birthday cake !
#10
'Is everyone in the bus?' asked the
driver
before he closed the door.

'No,' called a lady, 'wait until I
get my clothes on.'

All the passengers in the bus turned
towards the door to look at the
woman. She got on with a bag full of
laundry.
#11
Conductor, do you stop
at the Savoy Hotel?

I should say not, on my salary!
#12
Does this bus stop at the river?
If it
doesn't there'll be a very big splash.
#13
Do buses and trains run on time?
Usually, yes.

No, they don't. Buses run on wheels and trains run on the

tracks.
#14
What have I got in
my hands?
A double
decker bus!
You looked!
#15
Have you
heard that all the buses and trains
are stopping today?
No. Is there a strike?
No, they're stopping
to let the passengers off.
#16
Conductor, this bus
was very slow!
Oh, I
expect we'll pick up speed now you're getting off!
#17
Did you say that you fell over fifty feet but
didn't
hurt yourself?
Yes - I was trying to get to the back of the
bus.
#18
Sam left work after a tiring day. 'Take the bus

home,' suggested a friend. 'My mother would only make me take it

back,' Sam said.
#19
Passenger: Does this bus go to London?

Conductor: No.
Passenger: But it says London on the front. Conductor:
There's an
advertisement for baked beans on the side, but we don't
sell them!
#20
What do you call a bloke with a
bus on his
head?
Dead.