Q: How did a blind man get poke marks on
A: Learning to eat with a fork.
Q. How did a blind girl burn her
A. Reading the waffle iron
Q. How did a blind woman drive herself
A. Trying to read a stucco wall.
An out-of-towner drove his
car into a ditch
in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to
help with his
big strong horse named Buddy.
He hitched Buddy up to the car
and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!"
Buddy didn't move.
the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't
Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.
Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the
easily dragged the car out of the ditch.
The motorist was
most appreciative and very curious. He asked the
farmer why he
called his horse by the wrong name three times.
"Well... Buddy is
blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling,
The blind farmer was often taken for a
in the fields by a kind neighbor. However kindly the neighbor might
have been, he was undoubtedly a coward. When a bull charged towards
one day, he abandoned the blind man.
The bull, puzzled
by a lack of fear, nudged the farmer in the back. He
quickly, caught the bull by the horns and threw it to the
a bump that left it breathless.
"Aidan," said the neighbor, "I
never knew you were so strong."
"Faith, and if I could have got
that fella off the handlebars of the
bicycle I'd have thrashed him
A nun in the convent
walked into the
bathroom where mother superior was taking a shower.
"There is a blind man
to see you," she says. "Well, if he is a blind
man, than it does
not matter if I'm in the shower. Send him in."
The blind man
walks into the bathroom, and mother superior starts to
tell him how
much she appreciates him working at the convent for them.
She goes on
and on and 10 minutes later the man interrupts: "That's
all, ma'am, but you can put your clothes on now. Where do you
me to put these blinds?
A snake and a rabbit were racing along a pair of
intersecting forest pathways one day, when they collided at the
intersection. They immediately began to argue with one another as to who was
fault for the mishap.
When the snake remarked that he had been
blind since birth, and thus
should be given additional leeway, the
rabbit said that he, too, had been
blind since birth. The two
animals then forgot about the collision and
concerning the problems of being blind.
The snake said that his
greatest regret was the loss of his identity.
He had never been able to
see his reflection in the water, and for that
reason did not know
exactly what he looked like, or even what he was.
The rabbit declared
that he had the same problem. Seeing a way that they
each other, the rabbit proposed that one feel the other from
d to toe, and then try to describe what the other animal was.
The snake agreed, and started by winding himself around the rabbit.
After a few moments, he announced, "You've got very soft, fuzzy fur,
long ears, big rear feet, and a little fuzzy ball for a tail. I
you must be a bunny rabbit!"
The rabbit was much
relieved to find his identity, and proceeded to
return the favor to
the snake. After feeling about the snake's body for a
he asserted, "Well, you're scaly, you're slimy, you've
little eyes, you squirm and slither all the time, and you've
forked tongue. I think you're a lawyer!"
There once was a blind man who decided to visit
Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said,
these seats are big!" The person next to him answered,
big in Texas."
When he finally arrived in Texas, he
decided to visit a bar. Upon
arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer
and got a mug placed between his
hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these
mugs are big!" The bartender replied,
"Everything is big in Texas."
After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where
bathroom was located. The bartender replied, "Second door to
right." The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally
and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the
third door, which
lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by
Scared to death, the blind man started shouting,
"Don't flush, don't
A blind man was describing his favorite sport,
When asked how this was accomplished, he said that
things were all done
for him: "I am placed in the door with my seeing
eye dog and told when
to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring
for me and out I go with
"But how do you know when
you are going to land?" he was asked. "I
have a very keen sense of
smell, and I can smell the trees and grass
when I am 300 feet from
the ground" he answered.
"But how do you know when to lift your
legs for the final arrival on
the ground?" he was again asked. He
quickly answered: "Oh, the dog's
leash goes slack."
A blind man walks into a store
seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and
swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and
"What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking
Q: Why don't blind people skydive?
scares the heck out of the dog.
One day two blind men started
Pretty soon a crowd surrounded them.
Then one of the members of
the crowd yelled out "I bet 10 bucks on the
one with the
Both men ran away.