Why did you hit your birthday cake with a
Because you said it was pound cake!
How does Moby Dick celebrate his
He has a whale of a party!
What did the birthday balloon say to the pin?
What is your favourite type of birthday
Grandpa Jones' 100th birthday and
he was still in perfect health. At
his birthday party he was asked
how he managed to live so long and stay
"I put my long life down to spending so much time out of
I've been in the open air, day after day, rain or shine, for
"How do you manage to keep up such a rigorous
fitness regime?" we
"It's simple" he said. "When I
married my wife 75 years ago, we
both made solemn pledge on our wedding
night. We agreed that whenever we
ever had a fight, whoever was
proved wrong would go outside and take
Joe was sitting at a bar. He was totally
depressed. The bartender, serving him a drink, asked what was
"I'll never understand women" said Joe. "The other night on my
birthday, my wife said as my gift, I could do with her what I
"Wow! That's quite some gift" said the bartender. "So why are
"Well I thought about it for a while" said
Joe, "and decided to send
her home to her mother, and now she
won't even speak to me!"
"Artificial intelligence is a wonderful
I told my computer that today is my birthday,
and it said that
I needed an upgrade."
"I remember when the
candle shop burned
down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy
A St. Louis mother
telephoned the capital
building over in Jefferson City and asked to speak to the
warden. After being switched from office to office, a voice
said, "Hello." "Are you the game warden?" she asked.
"Finally Ah've got the right person!" she said. "Could yaw'l gimme
some help with my son's birthday party?"
BoyFriend: Why didn't you
anything for my birthday?
GirlFriend: You told me to surprise you.
A man who forgets his wife's birthday is
certain to get something to remember her by.
Fred: Do you
like the dictionary I bought
you for your birthday?
Harry: Sure. It's a great present but I
just can't find the words to
thank you enough.
Fred: I was going to buy you a handkerchief
Betty: That was a kind thought. But why
Fred: I couldn't find one big enough for your nose.
What did the burglar
give his wife for
What's the greatest birthday
Hard to say - but a drum takes a lot of beating.
Dad bought Mum a bone-china tea set for her
Yes, but he only did it so as not to
have to do the washing-up. Mum's
too frightened he'll break it!
I've been shopping for
What did you get her?
A bottle of expensive toilet
water. It cost 20.
20! Why didn't you come to my house - you could
have had some of ours
Will you come to my party on
Yes, please, What's the address?
25 The High Street. Just push
the bell with your elbow.
Why with my elbow?
Well, you won't be
empty-handed, will you!
I forgot my brother's
What did he say? Rick: Nothing, yet.
Grandma, is it exciting being 99?
certainly is! If I wasn't 99 I'd be dead.