Q: Why did the turkey cross
the road?
A: To
prove he wasn't chicken.
Q: What is a crowbar?
A: A place were crows go
to get a drink!
Q: Why do hens lay eggs?
A: If they dropped
them, they'd break
David received a parrot for his birthday. This

parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and terrible vocabulary.

Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives
were, to
say the least, rude. David tried hard to change the bird's
He was constantly saying polite words and playing soft
music, he did
anything he could think of. Nothing worked. When he
yelled at the bird,
the bird got worse. If he shook the bird, the bird
got madder and ruder.
Finally in a moment of desperation, David put
the parrot in the
freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird
squawking, kicking and screaming
and then suddenly, there was quiet.

David was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird and

quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto

David's extended arm and said: "I'm sorry that I might have
offended you
with my language and actions, so I ask for your forgiven
ess. I will try
to correct my behavior."

David was
astounded at the bird's change in attitude and was about to
ask what had
changed him when the parrot continued:

"May I ask what the
chicken did?"
A man with a talking parrot is getting married. On

the day of the wedding he says to the parrot "Now look here, I know

you are always sat in that window sticking your beak in, when me
and my
new wife get back from the wedding I want you to turn round
and and no
matter what you hear I do not want you to turn back or
I'll break your
neck, do you understand?" The parrot reluctantly

On returning from the wedding the parrot turns round as
instructed, and
behind him the bride and groom start to pack for the
honeymoon. The
wife however has packed too much and they can't get
the case closed.
"Get on top and sit on it baby!" Says the man the
woman does so and
grunts and moans but can't shut the case. "You
get on top baby it might be
better" Says the wife, so the man grunts
and groans and tries his best
but still cant shut the

After a little thought the man says "Ok we'll both get on top see
that's any better!" The parrot turns round and says "Neck or
no neck
I have to see this!"