#1
Monster: I'm so ugly.
Ghost: It's not
that bad!
Monster: It is! When my grandfather was born they passed out
cigars.
When my father was born they just passed out cigarettes.
When I was born
they simply passed out.
#2
Last night I dreamt I was
dancing with the
most beautiful girl in the world
What was I wearing ?
#3
My boyfriend thinks I'm
beautiful
Well
they do say that love is blind !
#4
Your ugly.
And you're drunk.
Yes, but in
the morning I'll be sober !
#5
I don't think these photographs
you've
taken do me justice.
You don't want justice - you want mercy !
#6
What did the really ugly man do for a living
?
He posed for Halloween masks !
#7
I can't understand why people say my
girlfriend's legs look like
matchsticks. They do look like sticks - but
they certainly don't
match.
#8
Two teenage boys were
talking in the
classroom. One said, 'I took my girlfriend to see 'The
bride of
Dracula' last night.'
'Oh yeah,' said the other, ' what was she like
?'
'Well she was about six foot six, white as a ghost and she had
big red
staring eyes and fangs.'
The other said, 'Yes, but what
was 'The Bride of Dracula' like
?'
#9
Beautician: Did that mud pack I gave you for

your girlfriend improve her appearance ?
Man: It did for a while -
then it fell off.
#10
Julie had broken off her
engagement. Her
friend asked her what had happened. 'I thought it was love at
first
sight,' said Julie.
'It was, but it was the second and third
sights that changed my
mind.
#11
Bill: My sister has lovely
long red hair
all down her back.
Will: Pity it's not on her head.
#12
She's the kind of girl that boys look at twice
-
they can't believe it the first time.
#13
Did you hear about the girl monster who wasn't

pretty and wasn't ugly ?
She was pretty ugly
#14
Mary: Do you think my sister's pretty
?
Gary: Well, let's just say if you pulled her pigtail she'd probably

say 'oink, oink '!
#15
Girlfriend: Will you love me when I'm old and

fat and ugly?
Boyfriend: Of course I do !
#16
Little Johnny and
his mother were on a
train. Johnny leant over and started to whisper in
his mother's
ear.
'Johnny, how many times have I told you,' said his mother, ' it's

rude to whisper. If you have something to say, say it out
loud.'
'OK, said Johnny, 'why does the lady over there look like an ugly,

haggard old witch ?'
#17
A woman went to a sweet store to buy some
sweets.
The boy behind the counter said "Gosh, your ugly aren't you?,
I've
never seen anyone so hideous as you before"
"Young man" she
replied. " I didn't come here to be insulted"
"Really", he said,
"Where do you usually go ?"
#18
"My
boyfriend says I look like a dishy
Italian!"said Miss Conceited.
''Then he's right said her little
brother.''Sophia Loren?''
"No-spaghetti!''
#19
A little boy came running into the kitchen.

'Dad, dad' he said, 'there's a monster at the door with a really
ugly
face'
'Tell him you've already got one,' said his father
!
#20
What is yellow and goes click-click?
A
ball-point banana.
Witch: Will I lose my looks as I get older?

Wizard: With luck, yes. Witch: