When a baby is learning to eat,
shouldn't he
have an L-plate?
Why is a baby like an diamond?
Because it's
a dear little thing.
What did Baby Corn say to Mother Corn?

Where's Pop Corn?
How do you get a paper baby?
Marry an old
Today I saw a baby who had put on five stone in
weight in
two weeks by drinking elephant's milk.
Whose baby was
The elephant's!
Do you like your
new baby sister?
all right.
Do you play with her?
No, and we can't even send
her back because she's been here more than
28 days.
Who is bigger - Mrs Bigger or Mrs
Mrs Bigger's baby, because he's a little Bigger.
Would you rather have a baby brother or a baby

I'd much rather have a jelly baby.
How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep?
A distraught mum rushed into the back
where eight-year-old Tommy was banging on the bottom of an old

upturned tin bath with a poker.
"What do you think you're doing?" she
"I'm just entertaining the baby," explained Tommy.

"Where is the baby?" asked his Mum.
"Under the bath."
I see the baby's nose is running
said a worried father.
"For goodness sake!" snapped his wife. "Can't
you think of anything
other than horse racing?"
Mrs Brown: Who was that at the door?

Veronica: A lady with a baby in a buggy.
Mrs Brown: Tell her to push off.
Why are babies always gurgling with joy?

Because it's a nappy time.
scoutmaster asked one of his troop what
good deed he had done for the day.
"Well, Skip," said the scout, "Mum
had only one dose of castor oil
left, so I let my baby brother have
Doctor, doctor, my
baby's swallowed a watch!

Give it some Epsom Salts: that should help it pass the time.
daddy, can I have another glass of
water, please?
But that's the tenth one I've given you tonight!

Yes, but the baby's bedroom is still on fire.
Mum, are the Smiths very poor people?
don't think so, Jimmy. Why do you ask?
Because they made such a fuss
when their baby swallowed a coin
Did you hear about Mrs Dimwit's new baby? She

thought babies should be pink, so she took this one to the doctor
it was a horrible yeller.
It can't go on! It can't go on!
What can't
go on?
This baby's vest ? it's too small for me.
Why did you drop the
Well, Mrs
Smith said he was a bonny bouncing baby, so I wanted to see
if he